When I posted one of my last posts about priorities to Facebook, I tagged my beautiful friend Catterina and mentioned her #30daysofcelebration of #lifeasafestival movement that she's started. I've been meaning to write more about it since I'm guessing the rest of my friends can't see the wonderful things she's been posting about this. The purpose is to encourage people to celebrate life as a festival, meaning if your life was a festival, what would that look like? It's about getting out of your comfort zone and not being afraid to do whatever it is that feels good at that moment, whether it's singing, laughing, crying, or skipping. And probably most importantly, it's about celebrating every moment of your life, even the shitty ones.
Celebrating life when things aren't going the way you'd like is a challenge. I've spent the last several weeks extremely irritated with my body. I'm still doing physical therapy for my knee and working on trying to reintroduce all the foods from my elimination diet, and none of it is going well. I was feeling a lot better a few weeks ago. I'd gotten through all of the lower reactive foods on my list and physical therapy seemed to have really helped both my knee and my back. Then I started running a little bit and also started reintroducing the higher reactive foods on the list. One or both of those things has caused the pain in my knee to return full force. I stopped running of course and haven't had much success with any of the new foods I've tried, everything either gives me a stomach ache, headache, or sinus congestion. And now this week we've had GORGEOUS weather, which is awesome, but everything is covered in a nice layer of pollen so it's hard to know if my headaches and sinus congestion are from seasonal allergies or food. All I know is I only have 2 more things left on my food list to get through but now I feel like I have to stop and wait for everything to feel better before I continue.
I am so FUCKING frustrated! It's been almost a year since I've been able to run without pain. And it's been over 4 months of physical therapy and dieting. I feel like I'm doing everything natural that I can do to help my body get back to health but I'm confronted with a new challenge at every turn. Things feel good for awhile, and then horrible again, and I just can't take this roller coaster shit any more. On top of it all, or probably because of it all, my insomnia is back from hell again after only a short time of it having been gone. Life is hard enough with a full nights sleep, eating whatever food I want, and exercising as much as I want without pain. Trying to get through a day on shitty sleep, a severely restrictive diet, and no cardio is making me crazy.
It's a serious challenge for me to share my vulnerability with you, or anyone for that matter. Mostly I feel obligated to be strong, put on that fake mask that everything's ok. You know what I'm talking about. I watch friends do it all the time. Admit that life is stressing them out to no end, and in the next breath when someone asks how they're doing, they smile and say "really good!" We're all guilty of it. None of us wants to be vulnerable. Opening up and telling someone that we feel like we're sucking at life leaves us feeling exposed, with all of our truths and flaws out in the open for people to see. We're all too worried about appearing perfect. When the truth is there are few perfect moments in life. That's why we have to learn to celebrate all of the moments, especially the less than perfect ones.
Remembering to celebrate life really does help me get through the shittiest of moments. No matter what the shit is, there's always still so much good to celebrate. My body may not be doing what I want, but I still have so much. I can still pick up my kids and hold them tight. I can still kiss my amazing husband. I can still walk and pet my sweet dog. I still have my mind, with all it's intelligence and craziness, happiness and depression, love and hate. I still have the ability to love and care for my family. I still have this beautiful place that I live in to enjoy. I can still write.
So I'm going to embrace this imperfect moment for everything it has to teach me. After all, who would we be without all the challenges in life that make us who we are?
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