Learning to Relax

Wish I could relax as well as Oscar!

Well hello! Last week I had a 3 day vacation in Phoenix. So now, I have to take a few moments to be grateful. I had a wonderful time visiting my friend Sara. We went hiking, got pedicures and manicures, went to a spa, saw a movie, and even hung out in the swanky corporate bay at the Phoenix Open golf tournament. No I am not a golfer, and neither was I'd guess half of the over 200,000 people there. Instead the majority were just there to get drunk, socialize, and enjoy the beautiful weather. Not a bad time.

17th hole (I think)

We slept in every morning (so wonderful) and stayed up late chatting each night. There were lots of jokes and laughs and plenty of good times people watching. Ladies I gotta know... what's with the tiny rompers giving you the biggest wedgie ever and the 6 inch ice pick heels that prevent you from walking normally??? Does fashion really have to come at such a ridiculous price? Anyways...Phoenix surprised me with healthy and delicious food everywhere we went. And such perfect weather. I soaked up plenty of sunshine and over 70 degree days. It was the perfect winter break. I will definitely be back, but always in the spring and never the summer!

This trip was very good for me. You see, I have a hard time relaxing. Not just now, but for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I stayed busy. School, sports, band, choir, clubs, friends, there was always something going on it seemed. Then in college I took as many classes as possible nearly ever semester, so there was always homework. I remember when I graduated and started working, it was the weirdest feeling to come home from work and not know what to do. There's no homework? No choir practice? So I can just, like, relax?!

Thanks for the hot tip

It didn't take long before I busied myself again. Running, yoga, cycling, hiking, crafts, movies, books, friends. I have always had too many hobbies. Then came kids. And real busyness started all over again. Hobbies became less frequent, or changed to include kids. Carving out time for rest and relaxation became much more of a challenge. Like most new parents it took us awhile to adjust and learn to make time for ourselves. Now I feel like we are mostly there. Both Brian and I still feel like there just isn't enough time in the day for all the things we want to do. But I think that's okay. I feel that way because I love my life and just want to get the most out of it. A good problem to have.

But with that feeling of not enough time comes the inability to relax. At least for me. I wonder who else feels the same? I feel like any moment I spend relaxing and not doing something productive is a waste. I have to constantly remind myself that I am a much more productive human being when I'm properly rested. And that only happens when I not only get enough sleep but also take enough breaks. Being a working mom means everywhere I go someone needs something from me. Busy at work. Busy with kids. I steal moments as often as I can to get in my exercise or time to write. But a real break, away from it all, is a beautiful thing.

Each time I've traveled away from my family I have to wrestle away the guilt. I spend the first few hours (or more) having an internal battle to find that peace. To find that place where you know that you need this time and do not need to feel any guilt from it. The memory of Sebastian crying on my shoulder the night before I left, because he was going to miss me so much, did not help my cause. But I know he was well taken care of, is often a drama king, and was possibly just trying to get me to read longer past his bedtime. But it (sadly) made me feel better about my momming skills anyway. I feel like I spend too much time telling Sebastian what to do and not do, and not enough time just having fun with him. Sigh... I suppose that's just a part of parenting though. But it was good to hear he would miss me, even if did add to my guilt.

Cactus that jumps on you!

The guilt this time started days before I left, in preparation for my break. Brian reminded me I had nothing to feel guilty about and that I should just enjoy myself. (How awesome of a husband do I have?! I can always count on him to help me feel good about myself. Thanks babe, if you're reading this. 😚) And of course he's right. I'm glad I got the guilt out of the way before I landed. In sunny 70+ degree weather. I love you Oregon, but you have been a cold and icy winter. What is this, Nevada?! Give me back the rain and mild temperatures!

So today I am thankful for the wonderful time with a good friend and the opportunity to take a real break. I'm so glad I was able to fully relax this trip instead of wasting the time feeling guilty. So here's yes to us all getting time for R&R and no to mom guilt!