So what does your self-care routine look like?

Anyone else sick of articles and ads asking you that question? I know I am. I'm really sick of seeing yoga ads that look like their selling sex and yoga clothes instead of just encouraging you to try yoga. "Treat yourself" or "take care of you" slogans are being used to try and sell you all sorts of things, from clothes and beauty products to prescription drugs and overpriced exercise programs. As if spending a bunch of money on crap you don't need counts as self-care. I know I'm not the only one who's sick of being targeted. I recently read this article about what self-care really looks like. It hit home on a lot of points so I'm going to share a few with you. My favorite first (on what self-care is)...

"It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends."

Yes! All of that. Right there.

I've always felt pushed by society and pulled by my own desires to be exceptional. Events in my childhood left me often wishing I was normal, but at the same time being afraid of it. I believed being normal wasn't good enough. I was smart and strong and so had to be proving that at all times. While I think it's good to challenge ourselves, it's hard not to let this mentality go too far. It's an easy slip into being a perfectionist, where nothing is ever good enough.

I know perfection isn't achievable. I know life is rarely going to balance. Both perfection and balance are illusions that society tries to tell you are real. But I do want to feel that I'm doing enough, while actually taking care of myself. But I don't want self-care to be on my mental checklist of things I have to remember to do everyday. It should be something that comes naturally, something that we just all do for ourselves because it feels good and is a great way to enjoy our lives. It shouldn't be something I end up only doing because I get so overwhelmed with life that I literally quit functioning until I get some rest.

It's not always quite so extreme. Sometimes there is a bit of balance. Sometimes I take care of myself because it feels good and not because I've worked myself to exhaustion. Sometimes I don't make a stupid to-do list for the weekend and I just rest and spend time with my family. Sometimes I take a bath because it's relaxing and not because I'm sick. Sometimes I take a vacation because it's fun and not because I'm in desperate need of a break from my life. And when I look at self-care with the re-defined thoughts brought up in that article, I feel a lot better about what I do.

My house will never be perfectly clean. Five minutes after we clean it there's toys and dirty clothes strewn all over the damn place or someone spilled something or smeared chocolate on something or brushed their teeth (which means toothpaste everywhere). I've learned to let go of the illusion that my identity as a wife and mom is somehow tied to the cleanliness of my house. How tidy my house is, is not a reflection of how good of a woman I am. It's simply a reflection of the fact that we LIVE in this house. 

And having abs and fake friends are on the list of things I just don't have time for, and that's okay. Because those things do not help my life. Fake people tend to have a negative influence on me. People that talk too much about the superficial things in life, things that I try my best to ignore, I find a challenge to be around. Either because it's things I simply do not care about, or it's things I'm trying not to care about. Like abs for example. Who doesn't want nice abs? But I've spent years trying to have a positive body image, and stressing about my abs does not help my cause. I simply don't have the room or willpower for these types of people in my life right now.

"It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others."

Yeah it is. You can't make everybody happy. It's never gonna happen. I have a tendency to be a people pleaser. Even the aforementioned fake people, I used to want everyone to like me. But at some point, I started to lose the energy to give a shit what everyone thought. I try not to worry about making anybody happy now except the people I care about. And for them, I make a lot of sacrifices. I tend to doubt myself there and worry that I'm not giving enough, because sometimes I let them down too. But that's crap. I know deep down that I'm giving my best. It may not always look how I imagined it would. But I know it's my all because I'm not holding back on the people I love.

Sometimes I have to choose between doing something I need and doing something for someone else. And sometimes those sacrifices happen and I put the other person first. And other times I have to put myself first. That's what self-care really looks like for me. Learning my limits, knowing when to say no. And the real challenge for me, not feeling guilty about it afterwards.

"...it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from."

That is really the best definition of self-care. Mostly we run around like crazy, trying to do everything for everyone all the time. And when we finally take a break it really does feel like an escape. And sometimes during that break you'll get that urge to keep running far away from your life. It's okay to admit it, we've all felt it at some point I'm sure. But I don't want to feel that feeling ever again. I love my life. For whatever reason I sometimes allow it to overwhelm me and stress me out, but it doesn't have to. In those moments when I stop, and be still, and really listen, I see the truth. I already have everything I've ever wanted. I don't need to overwork myself. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I can just be happy and enjoy this beautiful life that I've made for myself.