Things I never thought I'd say to my children...

...keeping in mind Sebastian is not even 5 yet....

• Eat your pizza so you can have ice cream.
• Quit eating your boogers.
• Your friends won't like you if you don't wipe your nose.
• It's only ok to call babies fat.
• Quit yelling at strangers and eat your food.
• You don't need to tell me every time you fart. Especially in public.
• Don't lick me.
• Get your hands out of your mouth.
• Get your hands out of your pants. If you want to play with yourself, go to your room.
• It doesn't matter how big your penis is. Quit talking about your penis.
• If you eat vegetables, your penis will get bigger. (That was all Brian)
• Don't talk about your penis, farts, poop, or boogers in front of girls. Remember Mommy is a girl.
• No we can't pee at the same time.
• You can only pee on a tree when you're camping. You cannot do that at the park. Pull your pants up.
• You have to put pants on if you want to go outside.
• Quit sticking your naked butt in the air.
• Quit slapping my butt.
• Quit touching my boobs.
• You shouldn't say fuck, you'll get in trouble at preschool
• Which one of your girlfriends did you play with today?
• Do your girlfriends kiss you on the mouth?
• No you can't play video games and watch TV all day.

And the worst one, the one I swore I'd never say to my kids, but have now said at least a dozen times because I can't think of an answer to his million whys...
Because I said so.

This makes it sound like he's a monster but these are things that are not said every day...mostly. I'd like to assume some of the more perverted things he says and does are not JUST because he's a boy... right? Someone with a daughter help me out here.