Hey everybody, come see how okay I look! |
You wanna know how you can get a mediocre body and a face that looks its age?! I'll tell you EXACTLY how! First, have a couple of babies, then..
Say YES to…
- Sunblock and shade (obviously)
- Food that you actually like to eat (including dark chocolate, occassional treats, and even, gasp, gluten & dairy if you want!)
- Exercise, that you actually enjoy doing
- Drinking lots of water, wine, coffee, AND tea (because why limit yourself?)
- Sleep!
- Food that you totally hate eating (even kale)
- Exercise that you hate doing
- Cosmetic products full of chemicals, including typical hair dye (helllloooo grey hairs!)
- All cosmetic procedures and surgeries
Maybe you think this is a joke, and it could be, depending on your point of view. Some people might look at that picture and think, "hey she looks great!" while others are thinking less than nice things about it. But you know what?
I. Don't. Care.
It is so wonderfully freeing to say that and finally, FINALLY mean it. I at least mean it enough that I posted that stupid picture. Do you know how hard it is for me to post a picture of myself that shows all my flaws like that? Really fucking hard. Especially showing you my belly when I'm sick, bloated, and not in my best shape. I'm still struggling with all my health issues and it got me depressed and feeling shitty about myself again. So I've been trying to work through this because I truly thought all my years and years of work to love my body had paid off, that I was past all this body loathing. And after several months of reflection, I came to some harsh realizations. The worst being that all the progress I thought I'd made, was completely conditional. Like, I love my body UNTIL...
- I gain weight, even just a few pounds
- My nutritionist tells me NO ONE should be eating gluten or dairy
- I notice how old I look compared to women my age that are already using Botox
- I see so many women getting liposuction and breast implants
If you're on the everything-free diet and/or in the midst of cosmetic procedures, you might be thinking, "hey what a judgy bitch!" But before you jump to that conclusion, let me point out that these are MY issues, not yours. I have issues with these things because my self-esteem clearly still needs work. When you struggle like I do, and it seems like everyone is worrying about this crap, it's hard to not let it rub off on you and bring you down sometimes. And because, despite my best efforts, I still compare myself to my peers. While that is really annoying, it's a totally normal, human thing to do, so I'm gonna just let that go.
All of this gave me a few more insights into how to love my body, right now. Things like….guess what anorexia, fuck you, I'm not fat! And I'm not old!!! I'm 33 and I refuse to worry about every wrinkle, grey hair, and saggy piece of skin! Our society has turned aging into some sort of tragedy, and it just drives me crazy. It's just part of life. We are all going to get old and die. Period. So I'm gonna do my best to save my worry and stress for things I actually have control over or at least things that are truly important to me. Having a "perfect" face or body just doesn't make the cut.
Another insightful thing I'd like to share on the topic...Did you know that about 90% of cosmetic surgery patients are women? I don't know about you, but I find that really, really, really sad and disturbing. And something worth thinking seriously about, especially before you dive into a surgery or procedure. Maybe ask yourself, would I be doing this if I was a man? And if you answer no, then ask, why do I feel I have to do this?
I just want us to all feel good about ourselves, no matter our current physical condition or age. Not saying we're always going to be running around screaming I LOVE MYSELF! But at least good enough that our self-esteem doesn't plummet every time we gain a pound or find a new grey hair or wrinkle. And we don't feel obligated to pay a bunch of money to let someone cut on us to try to "fix" what isn't broken. I just want to encourage women to try to love themselves as they are, right now. I know how hard that is you guys. Remember I've felt terrible enough about myself to STARVE myself, so don't tell me I don't get it because I'm happily married or some shit (seriously I've had a few people say that to me). I get it, I do. Our society sucks at making us feel like we gotta fit into some perfect little box. But I want to help empower women to fight this SHIT that society is trying to make us do. Fuck that box you guys. Break free of it. Be yourself. Do you, whoever that is. And if the real you still wants huge, fake tits and a fat-free ass, then go for it.
But I'm gonna keep my small, less than perky tits, love handles, stretch marks, and smile wrinkles. Why?!
'Coz I'm a sexy bitch!
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