Hey everybody, come see how okay I look! You wanna know how you can get a mediocre body and a face that looks its age?! I'll tel...

How to Get a Totally Mediocre Body...And Love It!


Hey everybody, come see how okay I look!

You wanna know how you can get a mediocre body and a face that looks its age?! I'll tell you EXACTLY how! First, have a couple of babies, then..

Say YES to…
  • Sunblock and shade (obviously)
  • Food that you actually like to eat (including dark chocolate, occassional treats, and even, gasp, gluten & dairy if you want!)
  • Exercise, that you actually enjoy doing
  • Drinking lots of water, wine, coffee, AND tea (because why limit yourself?)
  • Sleep!

Say NO to…
  • Food that you totally hate eating (even kale)
  • Exercise that you hate doing
  • Cosmetic products full of chemicals, including typical hair dye (helllloooo grey hairs!)
  • All cosmetic procedures and surgeries

Done. Congrats, you now look as average, and possibly as hippy, as me. You're welcome.

Maybe you think this is a joke, and it could be, depending on your point of view. Some people might look at that picture and think, "hey she looks great!" while others are thinking less than nice things about it. But you know what?

I. Don't. Care.

It is so wonderfully freeing to say that and finally, FINALLY mean it. I at least mean it enough that I posted that stupid picture. Do you know how hard it is for me to post a picture of myself that shows all my flaws like that? Really fucking hard. Especially showing you my belly when I'm sick, bloated, and not in my best shape. I'm still struggling with all my health issues and it got me depressed and feeling shitty about myself again. So I've been trying to work through this because I truly thought all my years and years of work to love my body had paid off, that I was past all this body loathing. And after several months of reflection, I came to some harsh realizations. The worst being that all the progress I thought I'd made, was completely conditional. Like, I love my body UNTIL...
  • I gain weight, even just a few pounds
  • My nutritionist tells me NO ONE should be eating gluten or dairy
  • I notice how old I look compared to women my age that are already using Botox
  • I see so many women getting liposuction and breast implants

This bummed me out for a bit and then I realized, hey awareness is the first step. Now I can move on with my life and get past this. My weight fluctuates. So what. Life happens, movin' on. My nutritionist was just trying to help. Her diet didn't fix any of my problems, big surprise, but I tried it and now I can write her and tell her she was wrong, ha ha! Next, wrinkles? Eh, just another part of life and they're mostly smile wrinkles so who cares? Last, cosmetic surgery? It's simply not for me, and that's okay. I shouldn't let other people's choices make me feel insecure.

If you're on the everything-free diet and/or in the midst of cosmetic procedures, you might be thinking, "hey what a judgy bitch!" But before you jump to that conclusion, let me point out that these are MY issues, not yours. I have issues with these things because my self-esteem clearly still needs work. When you struggle like I do, and it seems like everyone is worrying about this crap, it's hard to not let it rub off on you and bring you down sometimes. And because, despite my best efforts, I still compare myself to my peers. While that is really annoying, it's a totally normal, human thing to do, so I'm gonna just let that go.

All of this gave me a few more insights into how to love my body, right now. Things like….guess what anorexia, fuck you, I'm not fat! And I'm not old!!! I'm 33 and I refuse to worry about every wrinkle, grey hair, and saggy piece of skin! Our society has turned aging into some sort of tragedy, and it just drives me crazy. It's just part of life. We are all going to get old and die. Period. So I'm gonna do my best to save my worry and stress for things I actually have control over or at least things that are truly important to me. Having a "perfect" face or body just doesn't make the cut.

Another insightful thing I'd like to share on the topic...Did you know that about 90% of cosmetic surgery patients are women? I don't know about you, but I find that really, really, really sad and disturbing. And something worth thinking seriously about, especially before you dive into a surgery or procedure. Maybe ask yourself, would I be doing this if I was a man? And if you answer no, then ask, why do I feel I have to do this?

I just want us to all feel good about ourselves, no matter our current physical condition or age. Not saying we're always going to be running around screaming I LOVE MYSELF! But at least good enough that our self-esteem doesn't plummet every time we gain a pound or find a new grey hair or wrinkle. And we don't feel obligated to pay a bunch of money to let someone cut on us to try to "fix" what isn't broken. I just want to encourage women to try to love themselves as they are, right now. I know how hard that is you guys. Remember I've felt terrible enough about myself to STARVE myself, so don't tell me I don't get it because I'm happily married or some shit (seriously I've had a few people say that to me). I get it, I do. Our society sucks at making us feel like we gotta fit into some perfect little box. But I want to help empower women to fight this SHIT that society is trying to make us do. Fuck that box you guys. Break free of it. Be yourself. Do you, whoever that is. And if the real you still wants huge, fake tits and a fat-free ass, then go for it.

But I'm gonna keep my small, less than perky tits, love handles, stretch marks, and smile wrinkles. Why?!

'Coz I'm a sexy bitch!



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**Just a side note that I say “women” a lot in here, but really it's any minority or underrepresented group. So as far as the tech fi...

Why There are So Few Women in Tech

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieovuSbv0rQ4ZpJtif4FvXxd81ZOyg4ui53iIcTmgljAJhHt93SHSHp2XJE0XetOijSfSyfhC1PXUL3rTipEgG26QgCNqOfzHUNI5UwTGDpZSwteL5Y4gu9qKbJZ3ceSgLZZ7ee7S9tF0/s1600/women-in-tech.jpg

**Just a side note that I say “women” a lot in here, but really it's any minority or underrepresented group. So as far as the tech field is concerned, pretty much anyone who's not a white, hetero, male.

I spent July 20th & 21st at the ACT-W (Advancing the Careers of Technical Women) conference in Portland. I even gave a little speech of my own there, just a 5 minute Lightning Talk about “Using Adversity to Fuel Your Career.” I was a nervous wreck for several weeks leading up to this talk. I used to be alright at public speaking, but I hadn’t been in front of a crowd that big since my high school graduation (yeah that was over 15 years ago now). So I was feeling a bit rusty. Overall I’m happy with how it went. I could’ve talked slower, and steadier, and a hundred other things I could criticize. But the fact is it was way out of my comfort zone and I’m proud of myself for doing it.

I had never attended this conference before, or any other conference specifically for women in tech, so I didn’t really have any expectations of what it would be like. But let me tell you, I was very impressed with everything I heard and how much I learned. Speeches, sessions, and workshops from women of all levels, beginner through CEO. I heard inspiring research, stories, and lessons. I attended sessions on how to own your value, stay healthy in the workplace, negotiate your salary, be the MVP of your own life, discover your goals, and so much more.

As a woman, I think all of us have encountered sexism in our lives, and in the workplace, no matter what you do for a living. But if you’re a woman in tech, or any other male-dominated field, then you’ve likely encountered it even more than normal. As the infograph above shows, women hold less than 20% of tech jobs in the US. You may be wondering, why that is? Why aren’t there more women in tech?

When I started in this field in college, I had no idea why there were so few women. After a little while, I speculated the main reason was there seemed to be a general lack of interest in tech among most women. The why behind that seems to be mostly related to the fact that women aren’t “traditionally” encouraged to pursue careers in male-dominated fields. (Just goes to show you what a load of crap traditions can be.) Then, as I moved through my career, I continued to encounter sexism in some form everywhere I worked. I realized this was likely another reason for the shortage of women in my field. But even up until the conference, I didn’t realize the full extent of the issue.

As my weekend with a group of fellow women in tech showed me, my experiences are just the tip of the iceberg. Some of the stories I heard were just appalling. And it’s not like it was just a few people, it was pretty much everyone. I realized how overwhelming that must be for a woman just starting out in tech, or any other male-dominated field. Feeling like a small fish diving into a pool of sharks... and hoping to swim along without getting eaten.

As more recent stories in the media, such as last years #metoo campaign, have tried to bring to light, women are faced with an exorbitant amount of sexism from a young age. If you paid attention at all to that one, you realized just how bad it was. If you didn’t pay attention, or chose to pretend it was exaggerated, than I urge you to look again, with an open mind. Meaning leave any preconceived notions about sexism behind before you start reading.

“But in the workplace?” you may be saying. Yes, definitely, in the workplace. “But aren’t there laws against that?” Of course there are. And how many of us women have ever pursued legal action for any of this? I don’t have numbers for you, but I bet it’s an insanely low percentage. Why? Well geez, we’d all be constantly involved in a lawsuit if we did that! But the hassle aside, the fact is most of us are afraid to complain about it at work. No one wants to be “that girl” that made a fuss because some asshole keeps hitting on her. We don’t want to deal with the grief we will undoubtedly receive if we actually complained. We’ll be called a liar, a whiner, a baby, a whore, and any number of other unpleasant words, depending on the crowd. And the sad truth is most of us are just used to dealing with it at this point. Not to mention, we want to put on that strong facade. We’re tough, we’re used to this nonsense, we can handle it.

Okay, so what does this have to do with women in tech? Well considering we already receive shit in the workplace, regardless of our career choice, how do you think that works out for us when we choose a male-dominated field? Now on top of the “normal” sexism, we also have to deal with a flood of people who have absolutely no faith in our ability to do our job, simply because we’re a minority in the field. Remind me again, what the hell does gender (or race or sexual orientation, etc.) have to do with our ability to do a job? Oh right...it doesn’t!


I've recently been asking myself, how did I end up here? First, I was lucky enough to have a feminist as a mother. The kind that had to work and go to school full-time while being a single mom in the late 70s, when it was still okay to hire a man over a woman for a job because “he had a family to support.” (Not saying that doesn’t still happen, they just don’t usually tell you why anymore.) But hearing her stories definitely helped prepare me that yes, I will run into this type of discrimination no matter what I choose to do. But I am strong and smart enough to overcome it.

Next, and probably because of how I was raised, I honestly didn’t consider how male-dominated the tech field was when I was choosing my path. It’s not like I was trying to be brave in my career choice. I simply chose to pursue what I was interested in, and I’d been interested in computers for as long as I could remember. I created my first website in high school. And after I took my first programming class in college, I was hooked. I found what I was good at, enjoyed doing, and it paid well. Sold.

Lastly, I simply wasn’t intimidated by the men in my field. Because the men in the tech field are not the problem. Almost all of the sexism I’ve encountered in my career was not from other programmers, it was from other people outside my department or company (vendors, clients, etc.). But not other programmers. As one of my current co-workers said, we don’t care if you’re a woman or not, we care if you can code well!

So if you’re a woman considering a career in tech, I urge you to not be held back by fear of discrimination. Yes, you will encounter some. But guess what? You’re going to encounter some anyway, so you might as well choose what you really want to do, whatever that may be and however un-traditional of a role it might be for you. Who cares what everyone else thinks?! It’s your life. You’re the one who has to live it.

And since you read all the way to the end, you can watch my lightning talk if you'd like. If it's not loading below, click here instead.

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