"Mom, will you play with me?" big eyes locked onto mine. "Not right now, honey, I have to put away the dishes." &qu...

Play With Your Children

"Mom, will you play with me?" big eyes locked onto mine.
"Not right now, honey, I have to put away the dishes."
"I'll help you!."
"That's ok, you don't have to."
"No, I want to help you!"
"Ok, you can put away the silverware."
Dishes were away in a race, "now can we play?"
"Well, it's bath or shower time, so you need to do that first, and then we'll see if there's time to play."
"Ok! I will get in the shower and just wash up right away and get out!" he dashed upstairs to take what ended up being a very quick dip in the bathtub after Oscar got out. He brushed his teeth and was in his jammies by 8, pretty early for him.
"I'm ready to play now Mom!"
"We need to put away these clothes. And you need to clean your room first, it's a mess!" dragging clothes out of the drier, I started folding quickly and he wasted no time throwing Thomas the Train track into his basket and dirty clothes into his hamper.
"You like how I put my blankets on my bed?" a knotted mess of blankets and sheets sat in a heap on his bed. Mentally, I laughed and sighed.
"Don't worry about your bed, just get all the toys off your floor."
A few minutes later, floor mostly clean, "my room is clean now!"
"Ok, I'll let daddy finish folding these clothes," as I got up and walked away from piles of folded and unfolded little boy clothes sitting in the middle of the narrow hallway outside the laundry closet, I realized, I don't think I have ever done this. I've never voluntarily stopped in the middle of any kind of cleaning or organizing to play with my kids. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I'm slightly OCD and more than a little crazy about the fact that I can't do everything that needs to be done every damn day of my life.

What does that OCD do for me? It makes me an asshole parent. Yep, that's right. Caring more about how clean our house is than spending time with our kids is pretty fucking stupid when you think about it. I'm not saying we should all live in filth, but there should be a balance right? There's got to be a happy medium of work and play, in everything in life. I feel like I spend the majority of my life working, either at work or home cleaning and organizing and such. I don't spend nearly enough time playing with my kids. I'm not trying to be that parent. The one that always has an excuse not to play. But it dawned on me this evening after how many times I was putting Sebastian off, that I do seem like that parent. Of course that wasn't my intention, it rarely is. I would be lying if I said never, because sometimes often that kid gets very needy wanting us to constantly entertain him and we have to tell him to find something to do on his own. But back to the balance. It occurred to me as I was folding clothes and watching how quickly Sebastian was cleaning his room (something that without an incentive, takes him an eternity) that he really wanted me to just play with him. He even ran downstairs to get his box of Legos and hauled it back up to his room so we could play. Brian had already started helping me fold clothes and I knew that he has no problem helping with chores so I can spend more time with the kids.

For whatever reason (many reasons only revealed to me through years of therapy and soul searching) I've always been one to take responsibility for everything I can think of and stressing myself out to the point of depression and exhaustion. But not so long ago, I said enough of this bullshit, and I've been making more of an effort to take time for myself and my family. I'm still working on not feeling guilty about it, but tonight's play time with the boys was so much fun I didn't have any guilt. It didn't matter that it was short or that he had to share me with Oscar (after some reminding that I wouldn't play if he was going to be mean to his brother). He had a fun time building guns, telescopes, spaceships, and whatever else he could think of in a short period of time. Oscar even built a car (which I was impressed that my 2 year old could do with tiny Legos!).

Days like today I'm reminded how important it is that we take time for our kids. It's easy for time to get away from us when we let ourselves get wrapped up with things that are, when you really think about it, just not important. Not compared to this incredibly brief period of time we have with our kids while they actually like us and want to spend time with us. Every time I'm around friends with older kids I'm reminded that this time is quickly running out. So take a break from your chores this week and sit on the floor with your kids and build a rocket ship with telescope mounted on the side next to a gun that shoots Lazer beems. And hope with me that the more time we spend now, the more time they'll want us around in another 10 years.


I have never tried one of these nifty link up posts, but thanks to my friend Danielle at Sparkles and Lattes , thought I would give it ...


I have never tried one of these nifty link up posts, but thanks to my friend Danielle at Sparkles and Lattes, thought I would give it a try. I'm linking up with Jess from The Newly for Confessional Thursdays.

I confess...

...I rarely (like once a month, or possibly less) spend more than 5 minutes doing my hair. And I don't understand why anyone does. Why can't our hair look like it actually is naturally? Especially when you live anywhere with weather, there's no point. I actually curled my hair for date night last weekend and I had to cover it up with a hood every time we were outside so the rain didn't ruin it. I felt like such a silly girl.

...silly girl things like above bug me to no end. No matter how dumb I think they are, I still catch myself doing them sometimes, all the while thinking about how stupid I'm being. I also hate that I have no other words to describe these types of things to you except "silly girl".

...I'm impatient with my children way too often. Like if I haven't had any caffeine in the morning, right after I get home from a hard day at work, anytime Sebastian interrupts Brian and I trying to have a conversation, getting the boys ready for bed with the screaming toddler who doesn't want us to brush his teeth and the 6 year old who has to be reminded 9000 times to get ready for bed. Some days I feel like an asshole mother and other days I think I'm actually very patient with them. I think it has to do with how well I slept.

...I have insomnia sometimes that will last several nights in a row where I felt like I was never fully asleep. It's the worst thing to have your kids be good sleepers and you be awake for no reason.

...I smoke weed with Brian sometimes. I've met tons of women who will easily admit that their husbands smoke but amazingly enough, the women never do. I call bullshit. I can't be the only women who likes a nice relaxing hit after the kids are asleep. It's one of the few things that helps me sleep. Come on ladies, 'fess up. It's no better or worse than drinking alcohol. It's legal here in Oregon so you can come out of the stoner closet now.

...I had way too much fun geeking out at work today learning to do animations with an html5 canvas, which is basic stuff for a javascript developer, but since I'm a c# dev, this was a nice change.

...as a teenager I didn't openly admit to all of my friends what a nerd I was/am, but now I'm slightly ashamed I used to keep it a secret. I'm teaching my boys to be nerdy, goofy, artsy, weird, whatever they want, and proud of it. 

...I'm writing this while in the bath. It's the only time I had today and I had to soak my leg which is super sore from my PT exercises. Don't worry, I never drop my phone and even if I did, it's waterproof bitches.

...I just looked down and realized how pink the water is... from my hair dye! Haha, you're welcome.


Whether you're a carnivore, herbivore, or omnivore, I think most people will agree that vegetables are the healthiest food. I am not a s...


Whether you're a carnivore, herbivore, or omnivore, I think most people will agree that vegetables are the healthiest food. I am not a strict vegan, but am always looking for enough recipes to eat vegan most of the time. So with that in mind, I've gathered together some of my favorite veggie recipes that might just inspire you to get a few more vegetables in your diet.

Worried about protein? Most of these recipes include either beans, nuts, and/or quinoa. Still think that's not enough? Then you're silly and I can't help you here, but I found this helpful recently when looking for healthy plant proteins to add to my smoothies.

Vegan tandoori

Vegan pesto
(with a glass of wine, a must)

  1. Vegan tandoori (pictured above): sauce recipe from here and instead of chicken do all the veggies you have on hand. We did potatoes, bell pepper, carrots, parsnips, peas, corn, cilantro, and added raw cashews on top. Garbanzo beans/chickpeas are also a nice addition to make it even more filling.
  2. Coconut curry- again just use whatever veggies sound good to you. The quinoa makes it quite filling.
  3. White bean and pasta soup- this surprised me how good it was
  4. Veggie Tortilla Soup- use veggie stock instead of chicken stock, and garnish with avocado, cilantro, and tortilla chips
  5. Mexican Quinoa- super easy and yummy
  6. Vegan Breakfast burritos- we did black beans instead of chickpeas, but it'd be good with either
  7. Black Bean Quinoa burritos- minus cheese and dip and just do avocado or avocado sauce from last recipe 
  8. Taco salad- minus the cheese
  9. Vegan Garlic Pasta- alfredo-like sauce, except good for you. Add veggies to this like bell pepper and spinach.
  10. Vegan pesto (pictured above, recipe below)- from a book I found at the library called Rawlicious. We substituted cashews for the brazil nuts, used mixed greens we had instead of just arugula, and we didn't have any kelp powder. But it was sooo good anyways. I used the leftovers on homemade vegan pizza a few days later.


  Well it's been more than a month since I wrote about my current diet and physical therapy journey . I left you near the end of my e...

Healing Naturally


Well it's been more than a month since I wrote about my current diet and physical therapy journey. I left you near the end of my elimination diet when I was actually feeling quite healthy. No stomachaches or headaches, and knee feeling much better. At that point I was feeling like the worst was behind me, all of this was working, and I would soon enough be back to eating mostly normal and running in no time. While that may all be true, the challenge is not over yet.

I reached the end of my 6 week elimination diet happy and eager to try reintroducing foods. But when you have as long of a list as I do, reintroducing takes quite awhile. For the lower reaction foods, I only have to wait 3 days in between trying each, for the rest, a full week. This is if you don't have a reaction. If you do, you have to take the food back out of your diet until the symptoms go away, and then move onto the next. I have 6 foods on the lower end, and 8 higher ones. That means if I had no reactions it would still take 10 and half weeks to get through everything.

First I chose wine, because, well, hello.. wine! Unfortunately, I did not have much success. I woke up the morning after the first glass to my knee throbbing. Denial of course set in that it could have anything to do with the wine. I waited a few days and tried again. The next couple of tries my knee did not hurt, but instead I had a raging headache each time. Sigh. Very sad indeed. So I took wine back out... for a few weeks (after all, if at first you don't succeed, try again!). Next I tried mushrooms and had a horrible stomachache afterwards. The next day, I came down with a lovely flu, so I'm still not sure if mushrooms were the problem or if it was the bug. After feeling well for a few days, I tried some almonds, which seemed harmless enough. Later that same day I experienced a horrific headache, the kind you have when you're either getting an awesome migraine, or a nasty cold. Again I was left with the confusion of, did the almonds have anything to do with that? But it turned into a nasty cold, so I decided probably not from the almonds, and have tried them several more times without any side affects. So it took me 4 weeks to get one food (and the occasional glass of wine) successfully back in my diet. I'm hoping now that spring is here, and hopefully less colds and flues with it, the rest will go a bit faster.

Physical therapy in that time period has also still been a challenge. Each time I change routines I'm still experiencing several days of pain and discomfort in my back and sometimes my legs as well. Thankfully the only real knee pain I experience is when I stand on my feet for too long, mostly doing housework or cooking on our hardwood floors. If I remember to make myself wear shoes and take regular breaks and sit down for a minute, I can reduce the pain significantly. More regular massage is helping with the pain as well (thank you Brian!). Some days I feel great, like I'm making a lot of progress and will be better soon. Other days I'm so uncomfortable that I find myself incredibly frustrated and wanting to give up on all of it. But I know that postural adjustments can take a very long time. After all, I've had scoliosis since I was 11, so undoing 20 years of bad posture is not something there is an easy fix for. The good news on the therapy front is I received the okay to start trying to run, painfully slow and short distances, but at least it's something. I was waiting for a day were I felt 100% to try this, but decided I was close enough and gave it a shot today. It was difficult to make myself run slowly, but it actually felt really great. :)

Another piece of good news in all of this, is sticking to this diet while fighting this last cold led me to significantly increased my intake of vegetables and fruit (green smoothies, salads, whole meals of just vegetables) and decrease my meat consumption even more. I could feel quite a difference in how quickly my body was able to fight this cold, versus how long it normally takes me to feel better. So while this has all been quite a challenge, I've learned so much about my body and how to let it heal naturally.

And here's your dose of adorable for the evening: