tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83010225311974333622024-02-21T10:24:47.307-08:00Mel's Empty JournalMelanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.comBlogger122125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-26150607829781741532019-02-12T17:58:00.000-08:002019-02-12T17:58:32.422-08:00Farewell<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBLweu2-TF4Rkpf176AYW1-izzztZ4FANHecez_TZBJiqyWT9NQi73NhC0aDCNEN2gnfvcCukTogubCnXZSS8jAsymETTQcnwkaaA9naanxs_wSJW-q2FTr6-G46YUi2rdENx9-ZkWBx0/s1600/ArtSupportsLife.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="312" data-original-width="675" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBLweu2-TF4Rkpf176AYW1-izzztZ4FANHecez_TZBJiqyWT9NQi73NhC0aDCNEN2gnfvcCukTogubCnXZSS8jAsymETTQcnwkaaA9naanxs_wSJW-q2FTr6-G46YUi2rdENx9-ZkWBx0/s1600/ArtSupportsLife.png" style="max-width: 675px;" width="90%" /></a></div>
I recently read <i>On Writing </i>by Stephen King. After seeing that book recommended over and over by members of the IWSG, I figured it was a safe bet that it would be a great read. And it did not disappoint. I had never read any of his books since the movies I've seen always creep me out, but now that I know what a great writer he is, I'll have to give one a try. This one, as the title says, was about writing, and he had some very helpful tips and advice that I will definitely be incorporating into my work. But my favorite part was the first section, his memoir about his life and how he came to be the kind of writer that he is. Reading and hearing people's real-life stories are always my favorite. Fiction is fun, but I tend to connect a lot more with a story I believe to be real. And speaking of real...<br />
<br />
It's time to get to the real point, which isn't to give you a book review of <i>On Writing</i>, because if you're interested in writing, you have either already read it or need to, so just go read it yourself. Today's topic is to say goodbye. I will no longer be writing here on "Mel's Empty Journal" because well...it's done. The goal of this blog has been more than met. My journal is clearly no longer empty. I will leave this site up if for nothing else, as a reminder for me that I am quite capable of writing for public consumption, without much worry as to who will judge me or who I may offend. As Mr. King said...<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Reading at meals is considered rude in polite society, but if you expect to succeed as a writer, rudeness should be the second-to-least of your concerns. The least of all should be polite society and what it expects. If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered, anyway."
</blockquote>
Thank you for that Stephen. It has been over 7 years since I started this blog, and it took a good chunk of that time for me to realize I don't actually care about being a member of polite society. I care a great deal more about writing truthfully. Which is what I have attempted to do here and what I intend to do in the future. <br />
<br />
And in the future, Brian and I are thinking of combining our creative efforts in the world of music and writing. As the opening quote says, art is here to support life. We have both worked hard at our respective art but feel like we're failing in some ways. But that is only the case when we think of it as being our one main purpose in life, where we live only for art and have no other responsibilities. But this is not reality. We have a very full life. We have kids. We have work. Our art is not the center of our life, nor should it be. It is here to help us grow, push us out of our comfort zones, inspire us.<br />
<br />
With hopes of inspiring you as well, we are considering starting a new blog and email newsletter. We've thought of some ideas for it, like posting more regular music from Brian (and occasionally me), more writing from me (and occasionally Brian) mostly along the positive theme, and possibly even a podcast...maybe, we'll see about that. But there will definitely be music and writing. Before we decide for sure if we want to do this, we'd like to get as many people as possible on the email newsletter, for two important reasons. First, to see how much interest there is. And second, because we are more than a little sick of social media and would prefer to not have to spend so much time on there to share our work. You don't have to worry about us emailing too often as it will be rare if we have time to put something together more than once a month. So if you could kindly drop your email address in the box below, you will save us all the hassle of checking social media for one more damn thing. <br />
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Well my friends, all good things come to an end, I bid you a fond farewell, and such and such nonsense. Thank you so much for reading. You have given me my favorite gift... hope that writing is not a waste of my time. ♡Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-6596674024032433112019-01-02T22:52:00.001-08:002019-01-02T22:52:13.087-08:00The Question for a Writer: January IWSG<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDKWB4I-iH5jsjbh_1DZxQnoQ6EQtrx_0zKvCGsKe83OLffWEB3U2fhkeCuFoTLnuAyD-Wj8jvQAo-Un_TFv-jsJNDHlQZ7o2AZK4lm8W7fOgI6X5gFIWv0aJWukDDrgDp7TKvw3QHAXQ/s1600/2015-2016-fireworks-40663.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1003" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDKWB4I-iH5jsjbh_1DZxQnoQ6EQtrx_0zKvCGsKe83OLffWEB3U2fhkeCuFoTLnuAyD-Wj8jvQAo-Un_TFv-jsJNDHlQZ7o2AZK4lm8W7fOgI6X5gFIWv0aJWukDDrgDp7TKvw3QHAXQ/s1600/2015-2016-fireworks-40663.jpg" width="90%" /></a></div>
<br />
Happy New Year! And happy first Wednesday of the year, which means it's Insecure Writer's Support Group (IWSG) day! Today's question is:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
What are your favorite and least favorite questions people ask you about your writing?</blockquote>
Well do I have a fun question to answer that question (wait, what?)! This question somehow manages to simultaneously be my favorite and least favorite! It is the seemingly easiest and most obvious question a writer will get...<br />
<br />
<i>"What are you writing about?"</i><br />
<br />
Yep, it's silly for a writer not to like that question, but during NaNoWriMo 2017, that was THE question everyone asked. I quickly learned to not tell anyone that I was doing NaNoWriMo if I didn't feel like talking about it, but it was the first (and still only) time I'd done anything like that, so it was hard not to talk about it. If it was with friends who read my blog regularly or who know me well enough to know my history, it was a good question since they were likely already aware that I write about my recovery. But with anyone else, it was, well, awkward. To say "I'm writing about my eating disorder recovery" is a lot of information. Obviously if I'm writing about recovery that means I had to have an eating disorder in the first place. Most people don't want to talk about things like eating disorders, drug addictions, alcoholism, depression, mental illness, anything real and challenging and meaningful, etc. So, that's obviously all the more reason to talk about it! Which brings me to why it's my favorite question, even though I'm not yet to the point where I'm comfortable answering it.<br />
<br />
Being afraid of people finding out my struggles with anorexia, depression, and OCD is something I'm just going to have to get over. Assuming I ever finish the damn book, I will have to promote it. And to promote is to talk about it with everybody I know and try to spread the word and get people to read it. That's going to be challenging enough without me having some weird paranoia about people finding out the thing I'm telling publicly. Duh, people are going to find out! Yes, there will be people who will judge me and not understand. Yes, it could even hurt my actual career, which has nothing to do with mental health or eating disorders. Well it shouldn't really hurt my career, but there is a chance it could cause some weirdness since I will soon be blogging for work, so if anyone started Googling my name, they'd find out.<br />
<br />
But I'm not going to let that that stop me. First off, anyone who decides to hold my experiences against me is a douche bag and not someone I want to work with anyways. And second, the main purpose of writing the book and baring my soul to whoever may read it, is to help spread awareness. Awareness about mental health and recovery, which is something our society desperately needs. So, in some part of myself, I'll have to want everyone in my life to find out about this because the more people know, the more I've done what I've set out to do.<br />
<br />
Probably would've been easier to have my first book be a work of fiction about something superficial that was easy to write and talk about it. But that wouldn't be me at all!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Happy 2019!</div>
<br />
<br />
<i>If you want to join our neurotic writing group, <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">click here</a> or the badge below to read more about it and sign up! </i><br />
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<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-32980011889203091362018-11-29T20:30:00.001-08:002018-11-29T20:30:13.570-08:00Dear Grandma<div style="text-align: center;">
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<img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_1oDFe0Kn0BGF13rOxF2jagDp0aEQ9oDHKFXUO4nuSDyBTSHCEt40PUO7HsGkuILM-GWjDJStdBik112jHVcTwkLZ_mPiubMWAuoPe1nMDx7AnaGjbtLExwShl6lhjnUy2kqQAUu69Fo/s1600/IMG_20181124_163613.jpg" width="85%" /></div>
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<br />
<br />
Dear Grandma, <br />
<br />
This weekend, we celebrated your life. We celebrated with memories, laughter, and tears as we said what words we could to attempt to express our love for you. To show how much you meant to us, how much we appreciated everything you did. To try and say our goodbyes. But I think my dad said it best when he said you were his favorite. I
think we all agree with that. You and Grandpa were our favorite people. Without you, not only would we not exist, but without your love, we wouldn't be the awesome people we are today.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO806G7YZRkMglGKScdc7Y0iocbtzi_sYukV0q0sW5NT_biul5o8zHG2pDtl400HtsTGRVYb7nj3ed7ovZfJCW9IXsbiKXFmaupZlt4oh_OQwTykQgn2Rbx-Tyq8qcNSyE5KoMjhBczNM/s1600/IMG_5826.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO806G7YZRkMglGKScdc7Y0iocbtzi_sYukV0q0sW5NT_biul5o8zHG2pDtl400HtsTGRVYb7nj3ed7ovZfJCW9IXsbiKXFmaupZlt4oh_OQwTykQgn2Rbx-Tyq8qcNSyE5KoMjhBczNM/s1600/IMG_5826.jpg" width="75%" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Most of your kids (& their better halves), all grown up<br />
Photo Credit <a href="https://www.terrys-photography.com/" target="_blank">Terry Ortiz</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It was fitting that we celebrated you on Thanksgiving weekend, as we were all so full of gratitude for you and the life you lived. Despite our sorrow, we had much to be thankful for as you left us with so many good memories. We
celebrated with delicious food (your sourdough waffle recipe, thanks to Kathy & Terry!) and fun times playing your favorite games, Yahtzee and Scrabble. I won the Scrabble game, thanks to Aunt June's help and knowledge of the rules, which she undoubtedly learned from you, so thanks! 😄<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2SI8U5k8mm4QLGsQ_fSgvUX2qeCzC9pe6xu_knofL96Dmq3TmuCjAlmrAWXS9o24EINXnYcoobEAWZhvLQJresaKINqfl4dsZpLKiVzzke2lvDDZk8vsOoFoODy2LP7KMrlDAAzRCwRo/s1600/00100dPORTRAIT_00100_BURST20181124155229874_COVER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2SI8U5k8mm4QLGsQ_fSgvUX2qeCzC9pe6xu_knofL96Dmq3TmuCjAlmrAWXS9o24EINXnYcoobEAWZhvLQJresaKINqfl4dsZpLKiVzzke2lvDDZk8vsOoFoODy2LP7KMrlDAAzRCwRo/s1600/00100dPORTRAIT_00100_BURST20181124155229874_COVER.jpg" width="75%" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trying to channel your vocabulary<br />
Photo Credit <a href="https://www.terrys-photography.com/" target="_blank">Terry Ortiz</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So much of the family came. It was so great to see everyone, so good to catch up. I tried to visit with everyone and wish I'd had time to talk more with each person. But the time I did get was wonderful. It was enlightening to be reminded of how many similarities we share, from your kids on down to your great grand-kids. We all have so much of you and Grandpa in us. We tend to be <strike>stubborn</strike> smart, strong, and independent, <strike>talkative</strike> social and friendly, <strike>loud and opinionated</strike> passionate and excitable. We remember everything and pay way too much attention to detail. The men in the family have a deep respect for women, never doubting that they are just as capable as any man. And the women work hard to earn that respect, to respect ourselves, and to never doubt our abilities. We all try our best at everything we do in life, especially parenting. We all love our families dearly. It's so nice to hang out with people that I can be myself around, and not worry that I'm talking too much or being too honest. It seems rare in our world to have a family that communicates so well.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj02t-4qrZEP7fuxSgJGsEz928NKOolRZ-B49lnpEb4j7_LCdo1hPzt26Ilz3E5FZHm8JZAt3OzUq2YXvqoss1GAQnfFuOvz869XqkZK_MShyyPs0rJkJcS2Op96TQ-bf5L4IUyw7Ao6u8/s1600/IMG_5815.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj02t-4qrZEP7fuxSgJGsEz928NKOolRZ-B49lnpEb4j7_LCdo1hPzt26Ilz3E5FZHm8JZAt3OzUq2YXvqoss1GAQnfFuOvz869XqkZK_MShyyPs0rJkJcS2Op96TQ-bf5L4IUyw7Ao6u8/s1600/IMG_5815.jpg" width="75%" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The whole gang that made it to your Celebration of Life<br />
Photo Credit <a href="https://www.terrys-photography.com/" target="_blank">Terry Ortiz</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And we have you and Grandpa to thank for all of it. Funny how mourning you helped me feel so much more connected to our family. Connected in our grief, love, and gratitude for you. But also connected in our journeys. Life is challenging. It can be mean and cruel at times, filled with loss and sorrow. But it can also be happy and beautiful, often all these opposing things at the same time. Like this weekend. It was hard to say goodbye to you, harder than I can express in words. But even in those moments where it was the hardest, it was also full of joy and peace. Joy because we were together celebrating you. And peace knowing you get to have some now.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha9IOFCEeomLR_OmbInxfgJecLzEWWjw_vYiy_De5dSALsj4InQ-6f29fayOk18FA8ePnjULzCuHaz89w-npmJAmye58mSN_bnK_CV9FKZN5aG4NBiXRKtn7FZNu4WJsgJEqUlnNUk73Y/s1600/IMG_5813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha9IOFCEeomLR_OmbInxfgJecLzEWWjw_vYiy_De5dSALsj4InQ-6f29fayOk18FA8ePnjULzCuHaz89w-npmJAmye58mSN_bnK_CV9FKZN5aG4NBiXRKtn7FZNu4WJsgJEqUlnNUk73Y/s1600/IMG_5813.jpg" width="75%" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">About half your grand-kids made it!<br />
Photo Credit <a href="https://www.terrys-photography.com/" target="_blank">Terry Ortiz</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I won't pretend to know there is a heaven. I'm not afraid to admit to not being sure of such things. After all, how can we really know until we die? We can't...but we want to. And like most, I'd like to believe that death isn't the end. That there is an afterlife full of our passed loved ones, our favorite places and experiences, and peace unlike any we've known in our lives. But I do know for certain if that place exists, you are there, with Grandpa, and Regina, and all your family that's already finished this life. And if you're there, you're hearing our silent prayers to you. Our thanks and tears and endless love that is always being whispered from our hearts.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your life, lived so selflessly for your family. Lived so fully. Lived so good. <br />
<br />
You will always be our favorite.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpa6atDMNFofWr9ycHjTFY6HhgPFk0R2iGatj9ktkMaSu0BNaROxiUW3Yq_kN1_fWi-yfm3gGO7HQGMoH4s6Ky-60xwmWDT3TcDN1ILgFEAEsRuWZqqTSaFaA-inFhgJIDvwlrgmE-AgU/s1600/FullSizeR1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1202" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpa6atDMNFofWr9ycHjTFY6HhgPFk0R2iGatj9ktkMaSu0BNaROxiUW3Yq_kN1_fWi-yfm3gGO7HQGMoH4s6Ky-60xwmWDT3TcDN1ILgFEAEsRuWZqqTSaFaA-inFhgJIDvwlrgmE-AgU/s1600/FullSizeR1.jpg" width="80%" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You and Grandpa on your wedding day, Jan. 29th, 1946</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-66246544957505048512018-11-08T20:52:00.002-08:002018-11-08T20:52:25.387-08:00Writing Through Grief: November IWSG<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcRtcncAwc6QOvhZpiXR7M7p8rJ3ct0qSmW4WeO5zYMHcNB3oV-17p9-m4ktLhbjk2e_mqcS4Tjyaum7ROJI2v2ulEU67JvtjuKwCE9d0bouA9hV9Y3ZgluiQvBL-vc3NzDM8qVOr3gYY/s1600/GrandmaReale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcRtcncAwc6QOvhZpiXR7M7p8rJ3ct0qSmW4WeO5zYMHcNB3oV-17p9-m4ktLhbjk2e_mqcS4Tjyaum7ROJI2v2ulEU67JvtjuKwCE9d0bouA9hV9Y3ZgluiQvBL-vc3NzDM8qVOr3gYY/s1600/GrandmaReale.jpg" width="65%" /></a></div>
<br />
I'm a day late on my Insecure Writer's Support Group (IWSG) post for this month. I won't apologize or make excuses, I'll just tell you a little about what's going on in my life right now.<br />
<br />
The biggest time suck has by far been work. I've been working a lot of overtime because I'm completely slammed.<br />
<br />
My mother had surgery a week ago and I'm heading to NV to check up on her this weekend.<br />
<br />
All the stress and worry is clearly effecting my body as I feel like shit. Go figure.<br />
<br />
But the main purpose of this post is to write out a little of my grief. My grandmother died last night. She was 92 and went peacefully in her sleep. As sad as I am for the loss that I, and the rest of my family, is feeling, it comes with something almost like happiness. A feeling of wanting to be happy because she'd been ready to move on for awhile now. And dying at such an old age, without any pain, and in your sleep...isn't that everyone's wish for how to go?<br />
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So as I work through this bittersweet grief, it helps to concentrate on what an amazing woman she was. She left behind 6 kids, 21 grand-kids, and I think close to 30 great grand-kids (if a family member who knows the exact number reads this, let me know!). Over 50 people exist today because of this woman. Isn't that just incredible? She grew up on a farm in Kansas during the great depression. She would've been a teenager during WWII, and one can only imagine the challenges of living through that. She raised 5 boys and 1 girl, and not just in one town. They moved from Kansas to Alaska to Oregon during their childhoods, giving them all many adventures. But best of all, she loved and cared for them and taught them how to be good human beings. And I'm sure all of my family will agree with me when I try to express how incredibly thankful I am for that seemingly simple thing: showing her family love and kindness. <br />
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So it is with love and gratitude, more than any other emotions, that I mourn the loss and celebrate the life of my grandmother. I love you, Grandma!<br />
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<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-71772882292662720282018-10-30T17:00:00.000-07:002018-10-30T17:00:05.957-07:00Finding Clarity as a Parent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>Can't I just get a few minutes of peace and quiet?</i><br />
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<i>Can't I have a minute, hour, day to myself where no one needs me?</i><br />
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<i>Why did I think I should have kids again?</i><br />
<br />
<i>Why did I think I would be a good parent?! </i><br />
<i> </i><br />
If you're a parent, it's a safe bet you've had these thoughts. Parenting is a gigantic test of patience. It can give you some very bad moments where you doubt your choices and abilities. <b>But that's okay!</b> Despite our best efforts to be super-mom or dad, we're still just human.<br />
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But I want to be the best human possible, so I'm always working on self-improvement. I read a lot of Darius Foroux's blog, and recently I read his tips on finding <a href="https://dariusforoux.com/clarity/" target="_blank">clarity</a> in life. I sent the article to Brian and his first reply was "So we just need to get rid of the kids!" (In case you have no sense of humor, that was a joke.) Obviously we're not going to get rid of the kids but his point was exactly what I was thinking as I read it. How can you "remove distractions" when the biggest distractions are living beings like your children?<br />
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One of the biggest challenges as a parent is figuring out how to find moments without <strike>children</strike> distraction for yourself. And I know what you're thinking, those moments are few and far between, or in some cases, they simply don't exist.<br />
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They actually do exist, but like everything else in life that you feel like you don't have time for, you have to MAKE time. Those moments aren't going to just fall in your lap very often, you have to TAKE them. That means doing what I just did so I could write. I was attempting to work in the living room with the kids bouncing around me and chattering and after a few minutes of it, I thought, what the hell am I trying to do? So I said, "alright I'm going upstairs, you guys are just too distracting." And I marched upstairs, closed my door, put on some music, and got to work.<br />
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This moment wasn't going to "just happen." I had to create it. I had to say "no, I can't spend time with you guys right now, I need time for myself." As a parent, it's probably the hardest sentence you have to say and you have to do it on a regular basis if you want any focus or clarity in your life. Just because you have kids doesn't mean your life goals just disappear. On the contrary, I have WAY more goals now than I did before having kids. That might sound ass-backwards, but it's simply what happens when you have kids young (or maybe at all). You think you've got life all figured out and are ready to tackle parenthood. But until you have kids of your own, you don't understand how ridiculously hard it is to do all the things you want to do in life when you have little humans relying on you.<br />
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One of the beautiful things about being a parent is no matter how hard it is to do something as simple as write or read or exercise or just sit in peace and quiet for a minute, you wouldn't trade your kids for any of it. Yes they are a pain in the ass and by far the most distracting thing in life. But with all that distraction, they've brought a sense of clarity of their own to my life. Being a parent has taught me what is actually important in life. Kids force you to make real <a href="https://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2016/03/priorties.html" target="_blank">priorities</a> because you simply don't have time for the rest. Especially if you intend to make or keep any goals outside being a good parent.<br />
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Wouldn't it just be easier to focus on being a parent and get rid of any external goals? Maybe that works for some people. I know plenty of parents that seem perfectly content to have their children as the sole center of their life. And if that works for you, then great! I'm happy for you. However, that has not been my experience. I love my children deeply, but I still have other things in life I want to do and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.<br />
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I think it's good to keep your identity outside of just "mom". I have a career I care about. I have my writing I care about. I have personal health goals I need to keep. I have a husband I absolutely adore and need time with him away from the kids. None of these goals are so outlandish or unrealistic that I should give them up for my kids. If I did, it would actually make me a worse parent. I think it's really important that kids see their parents continue to work towards other things in life. They need to see that you don't have to give up your dreams to be a parent. They need to know that you can do both. Maybe your dreams and goals change as a parent, but that doesn't mean they have to go away.<br />
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Life would probably be easier if I gave up on writing. If I lowered my expectations of myself in my career. But what would that mean for my own happiness? What would my children learn from that? If you constantly sacrifice your happiness for everyone else in your life (even your children), you will continue to struggle. This is my never-ending battle as a people-pleaser. I regularly find myself a stressed out mess and what for? My own goals? No! Because I'm trying to make everyone else happy INSTEAD of focusing on my own happiness. Like there's some deep-seated fear that if I focus on myself, I'll let everyone in my life down. The logical part of my brain knows that is ridiculous, that I'll probably do a better job for everyone if I spend time on my happiness. But the stupid part of my brain thinks any time spent on myself is a selfish waste of time.<br />
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Hey, I'm a work-in-progress, that's just part of this little thing called life. And as I continue to work on that mythical feeling of "enough" that I can't seem to quite grasp a tight hold on, I learn a lot in the process. And one of those things I keep coming back to is that I absolutely have to quit worrying about everyone else's happiness before my own. And that means, taking time for myself free from distractions.<br />
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Even fleeting moments of clarity have the potential for that feeling of pure happiness and joy. When the distractions have fallen away, you are completely focused on the task at hand, and your path and goals become clear. If you don't give yourself the gift of distraction-free time, you'll miss out on that feeling. Just like those moments with your kids that give that feeling of being complete. You wouldn't want to miss out on those, right? Like all happy moments, they rarely happen on their own.<br />
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So go make it happen.<br />
<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-57814257005105849922018-10-03T21:22:00.003-07:002018-10-08T20:48:38.703-07:00Sebastian is 9! and October IWSG<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's already October! And the first Wednesday of the month means it's <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">Insecure Writer's Support Group</a> time. This month's question:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
How do major life events affect your writing? Has writing ever helped you through something?</blockquote>
Such a perfect question seeing as today is my oldest son Sebastian's birthday! And there's no life event like having kids! I mean one minute you're pregnant and the next, they're 9 years old! Seriously how did that happen so fast?<br />
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I'd have to say every major life event has affected my writing, often not in the way you might expect. Some of the most terrible events, circumstances, situations, etc., sparked wonderful writing, or at least motivation to write. And conversely, the most wonderful events, like having kids, brought most of my writing to a halt, at least at first. The first couple years of both my boys lives I spent pretty well consumed with them and didn't write much except to vent my new mom frustrations in a diary, or to write a quick blog post about how my baby was growing. But now that they're not babies anymore, having children has spurred all sorts of writing ideas. I'm constantly telling myself to "write that one down" when they come out with they're funny questions, crazy imaginations, and perfectly timed one-liners.<br />
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Writing has helped me through more things than I can count. But the biggest and first that comes to mind is my eating disorder recovery, and the seemingly never-ending battle with depression. Especially the depression and grief from Sebastian's NF1 diagnosis when he was 3. Even after living with this knowledge for all these years, it's easy for depression to sneak in if I let my thoughts drift to all the whys and what-ifs that come with a disorder like NF. It hits me when I look at my sweet boy, especially on his birthday, and can't help but still feel some of those "it's just not fair" feelings. But then I remember that I was given the gift of him, and what a beautiful, kind human he is. And that gets me through another day with the hope that somehow it'll all be okay. <br />
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And writing, like my family, will always be there to help me get through. Without writing, I honestly don't know where I'd be. Writing gives me sanity when I feel insane. It gives me happiness when I'm down and little else can. It brings me peace when life is full of conflict. Writing always helps me to make sense of things when all seems to be in chaos. Simply put, without writing, life would be a hell of a lot harder. And while this life is unquestionably difficult, it is also full to bursting with beauty, joy, wonder, and laughter. And so we must write about that, too.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">July 2011<br />
Photo credit <a href="https://www.terrys-photography.com/" target="_blank">Terry Ortiz</a> </td></tr>
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<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-20197589079973337752018-09-13T18:33:00.001-07:002018-09-13T18:33:16.268-07:00National Suicide Prevention Week<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Everything about suicide is hard. It’s hard to think about. It’s hard to write about. It’s hard to talk about. It’s in our nature to want to run away from things that cause so much fear and heartache. We’d much prefer such things didn’t exist. But they do. Suicide and suicidal thoughts are part of our reality, even if we never attempt it. Being someone who has suffered with depression for as long as I can remember, I feel it's important that I spend a moment to talk about suicide prevention.<br />
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I’ll start with my own story. One I’d prefer not to think about. In fact, I spent a good part of my recovery trying to just forget those terrible feelings of despair, of hopelessness, of giving up. But I think the most important part of prevention, is awareness. And awareness only comes by talking about it. By sharing our stories. So I’ll share a brief part of my own. You’ll have to read my book if you want the full story (when I finally finish it).<br />
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I was 16. I was anorexic. I was extremely depressed. I spent most days wishing I could just make it stop. I had already been in therapy for what felt like a long time, but really it was like 6 months (but when you're a teenager, that's like a lifetime). I was already on anti-depressants. I had even been through a short stint of inpatient therapy for my eating disorder. Nothing was working. I was more depressed than ever. Suicidal thoughts were part of my daily life. But with anorexia, it makes you hate yourself so much that you believe you're not worthy of even a quick death. The only allowed suicide is a slow, painful, agonizing one of starvation. But that didn't keep me from wishing I was brave enough to just end the pain.<br />
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That’s how I thought. I didn’t think of suicide as weak. I thought of it as a brave thing to do. To be strong enough to just end your own life. I felt far too weak and terrible about myself to believe I was capable of having the guts to show everyone that all that mattered was <i><b>my</b></i> pain. Mine. That my pain was so great, that no one else had possibly felt the way I did. It just seemed like a selfish thing to do. And in the state I was in, doing anything selfish was almost like giving myself love that I didn’t feel I deserved. So my brain just looped through that cycle of wanting to kill myself and then feeling like it was too selfish and then feeling shittier about myself for wanting to do something selfish and around and around until death would’ve been a sweet release to rid myself of the sickening and never-ending carousel from hell. <br />
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One time I attempted to take too many pills. Since killing myself wasn't really my goal, just hurting myself, all I took was a bunch of Ibuprofen and Tylenol. Clearly not a real suicide attempt, but definitely a cry for help. Even if it was a weak cry, it was all I was capable of at the time. I didn't know how to communicate what I needed, didn't even understand what I needed to fix it. I was not ready to admit how terrified I was or how much I needed people to help me. But I knew I couldn't do it alone.<br />
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I had done what I thought would’ve been the hardest part, and told my parents about my eating disorder pretty early on, but I wasn’t able to express to them, or anyone, how depressed I truly was. I was lucky enough to have parents that loved me and tried their best to help. No matter how much my depressed teenage mind was trying to tell me that no one cared and I should just end it, deep down I knew that wasn't true. My parents had shown how much they loved me too many times for me to just end my life on the premise that no one cared. So even though I couldn’t tell them everything, just knowing they loved me, helped more than I could possibly put into words. <br />
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Luckily I had a few friends who I was able to talk to and they were also instrumental in keeping me alive and helping me through the worst of it. Once rumor spread around the school that I was anorexic, my number of friends seemed to dwindle. People started to look at me funny, whisper behind my back, ya know, typical high school stuff. But on the other hand, I had a surprising number of random people I barely knew offer me kind words, an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on. I think back now about how much those few nice people made up for a whole bunch of jerks. Never underestimate the value of a few positive words for someone suffering, even if you don’t know them well.<br />
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And then of course, there was Brian. Not many people get to say their spouse saved their life at 16, but I do. And not a day goes by that I'm not grateful for him and everything he's done for me. He gave me what I needed most. He loved me and he accepted my love. Realizing that I was not only capable of being loved, but of loving that much in return, that’s what helped the most. That love helped me start to see that I had worth and purpose, that there was meaning to life. That I belonged here, alive, on this planet. He listened to me and cried with me. He didn't run away screaming when he realized how crazy I was. For whatever reason, he made the choice every day to stick it out with me, through all the hard years of recovery. And best of all, he's still here.<br />
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Now in retrospect, I can see very clearly that talking about it was what helped the most in getting on the path to recovery. I had to admit all of it out loud. All the dark thoughts, the fear, and how truly depressed I was. Opening up to the people who cared most about me was the ticket. And now, so many years later, it has been very healing to talk about the subject with a wider audience.<br />
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We must all stop being afraid to speak about mental health. The judgements, the stigma, the idea that it's "taboo". It's all ridiculous and needs to stop if we expect to make any progress. The reality is that a HUGE number of people suffer with some sort of mental illness. Even the people that haven't been diagnosed with something... I mean really do you know anybody who doesn't have issues? Know anyone really well adjusted and "normal"? Maybe there's a few out there, but most people have had at least some episode of depression in their lives. Life can suck balls sometimes. We all have shit in our lives that gets us down. It wouldn’t be so damn hard to deal with if we weren’t afraid to talk about it. <br />
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But even somebody like me who has been writing about it for years now, it's still a challenge for me, every time. There's a handful of people I'd rather didn't know so much about me, and I often worry they will find out. I worry that it could affect my job, my career, my reputation. But then I remember it's more important to be the person who isn't afraid to speak about it, than the person with a perfect career. I'll risk my reputation over and over again if it means I'm able to help someone. A reputation is of no real importance when compared to someone’s life.<br />
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We all have to tell our stories of how suicide has touched our lives. We can't be afraid anymore. Because it's not just our life that it affects. It ripples through way more people than you think it will. And those ripples go far and for a long, long time. You don't know who you will hurt if you don't talk. Or who you will help if you do.<br />
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Don't shut everyone out. Humans need each other. Anytime we try to spend too much time alone we go crazy. Alone, it's easy to go too far, to feel too depressed. For an unbalanced brain to convince us there is no way to fix this.<br />
<br />
But the truth is that <b>you can always fix it</b>. No matter how fucked up you think you are, there is help. There is someone who <i>wants </i>to help you. There is someone who <i>can </i>help you. There are lots of people that care about you. Maybe you don't know enough yet, but I guarantee there's somebody in your life that cares about you and I know there's more people that will care about you if you let them.<br />
<br />
The most important thing I want everyone to take away from this is:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>You are not alone. Not now, not ever.</b></span></div>
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If you are feeling suicidal, please, please, please, find help. Tell someone. A friend, an acquaintance, hell a random stranger, anybody! You can find a crisis center in your area by going <a href="https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/" target="_blank">here</a>. If you're in the US, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at <a href="tel:1-800-273-8255">1-800-273-8255</a> (Available 24 hours everyday).<br />
<br />
Other resources:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://afsp.org/" target="_blank">American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)</a><br />
<a href="https://www.sprc.org/" target="_blank">Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC)</a><br />
<a href="https://themighty.com/suicide-prevention-resources/" target="_blank">The Mighty</a>Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-62061032217752656972018-09-05T20:03:00.001-07:002018-09-05T20:06:22.201-07:00September IWSG<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank"><img alt="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" border="0" data-original-height="918" data-original-width="932" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEeCVjdPn2qS3lFV7yrn-vO_CoWUrW0cA2l8feKQIXJtC1qiZ9W_ZoecGf6saX7rsS_144iH5FYQyw8B4_lPo_Y9O5NrZGDZsfTkogAwUl2FHdGCqm4XYxEdBNbWYbCSz0_F8Llo7TbnE/s320/Insecure+Writers+Support+Group+Badge.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Well hello there friends! It's the first Wednesday of the month and that means Insecure Writer's Support Group day. If you too find yourself an insecure writer, head on over to the <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">sign up page</a> and learn more about us.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
September 5 question - What publishing path are you considering/did you take, and why?</blockquote>
I don't have a lot to contribute on the topic since I haven't been published... yet. Well I've been published on a few websites and guest blogs, but that's not the same thing. I did start writing my book last NaNoWriMo, so there is the goal to get it published at some point in the future. In all honesty, I haven't given it a whole lot of thought. I've read a little about what a pain in the ass it is. My husband Brian is a musician, and it seems to me that the music industry and the writing industry are pretty similar. You can try to do it yourself, and it's totally possible, but it requires a ton of time on your part to do all the marketing and advertising for yourself. Most of us have a hard time advertising ourselves, so the "going it alone" route is a huge challenge. I imagine the same is true for writing, that self-publishing is just as difficult as the traditional way. (Funny side note here, I attempted to use the talk to text thing on my phone to start a few blog posts. And it wrote "what's up Bubba Shane" when I said "that self-publishing". WTF, who's Bubba Shane?! 😂)<br />
<br />
Anyways, I'd guess most writers would prefer to go the traditional method. At least if it was like it is in my fantasy world, a little something like this:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
A publishing company wants my story, they do all the advertising for me, then my book is so awesome it does the rest of the work. I live happily ever after with bags of money. The End.</blockquote>
I have no idea what other writers' goals are really but I'm guessing they're probably not all that dissimilar to mine. I don't actually want to be rich and famous, who wants that nonsense? I do not. I just want time. Time for all the things I want to do in my life, like writing, so yes it would be great to get paid well. Not ridiculous rich, but enough money that you could relax and enjoy life and write when the mood strikes and not have to stress about money. But that's not the reality for most writers. It seems most struggle to make even a really bad living writing. I'm lucky I have a good day job that I like doing that doesn't make me miserable. Sure I want to write, but I wouldn't dream of attempting to give up my day job to do it. But someday, it would be nice to have the option of writing, getting published, and making some extra money doing it.<br />
<br />
So I guess once I finish my book I will at least try submitting to a few traditional publishers. But it will take me many years to finish. Not just because there's a lot of work to do and I don't have a lot of time to dedicate to it right now. But because I am a terrible, awful perfectionist and it's going to have to go through <i><b>A LOT</b></i> of revisions before I'm ready to let anybody read it. Once that finally happens, I will be bugging all of my close friends to read it and give me constructive feedback. And then once it's been through all of my friends I might even have my family read it. And then, once it's finally been through all of those people and I've incorporated everybody's feedback and I'm actually liking the finished product, <b>only then </b>will I start looking at publishers. It's a long way off so I'm not going to stress about it right now. But before I even started writing it, I promised myself that if nobody wants to publish it, that I would do the work and self-publish. I'm writing it to try to help people. So I hope, when the time comes, I can figure out a way to get it into the people's hands that need to read it most.<br />
<br />
What about you? Wish my fantasy world was real too?! 😁 Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-88491460638429437622018-08-21T18:18:00.000-07:002018-08-21T18:22:53.207-07:00How to Get a Totally Mediocre Body...And Love It!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilwGHelryIYkZwYZ27dDsDzCIuhrAQm4L7e6k0NiqdoFp85Iy5_yJCSyKlextyTPuM_6K5wBTJiBMRVPAOEzjQlsAJFsIN8EpjpfEz7OLw8HsYotOICmFY-x_dyX7_FNxVUYNS9Vd9f8M/s1600/20180817_133023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1070" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilwGHelryIYkZwYZ27dDsDzCIuhrAQm4L7e6k0NiqdoFp85Iy5_yJCSyKlextyTPuM_6K5wBTJiBMRVPAOEzjQlsAJFsIN8EpjpfEz7OLw8HsYotOICmFY-x_dyX7_FNxVUYNS9Vd9f8M/s320/20180817_133023.jpg" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey everybody, come see how okay I look!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
You wanna know how you can get a mediocre body and a face that looks its age?! I'll tell you EXACTLY how! First, have a couple of babies, then..<br />
<br />
Say YES to…<br />
<ul class="bullet">
<li>Sunblock and shade (obviously)</li>
<li>Food that you actually like to eat (including dark chocolate, occassional treats, and even, gasp, gluten & dairy if you want!)</li>
<li>Exercise, that you actually enjoy doing</li>
<li>Drinking lots of water, wine, coffee, AND tea (because why limit yourself?)</li>
<li>Sleep!</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul class="bullet">
</ul>
Say NO to…<br />
<ul class="bullet">
<li>Food that you totally hate eating (even kale)</li>
<li>Exercise that you hate doing</li>
<li>Cosmetic products full of chemicals, including typical hair dye (helllloooo grey hairs!)</li>
<li>All cosmetic procedures and surgeries</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul class="bullet">
</ul>
Done. Congrats, you now look as average, and possibly as hippy, as me. You're welcome.<br />
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Maybe you think this is a joke, and it could be, depending on your point of view. Some people might look at that picture and think, "hey she looks great!" while others are thinking less than nice things about it. But you know what? <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I. Don't. Care.</b></span></div>
<br />
It is so wonderfully freeing to say that and finally, FINALLY mean it. I at least mean it enough that I posted that stupid picture. Do you know how hard it is for me to post a picture of myself that shows all my flaws like that? Really fucking hard. Especially showing you my belly when I'm sick, bloated, and not in my best shape. I'm still struggling with all my health issues and it got me depressed and feeling shitty about myself again. So I've been trying to work through this because I truly thought all my years and years of work to love my body had paid off, that I was past all this body loathing. And after several months of reflection, I came to some harsh realizations. The worst being that all the progress I thought I'd made, was completely conditional. Like, I love my body UNTIL...<br />
<ul class="bullet">
<li>I gain weight, even just a few pounds</li>
<li>My nutritionist tells me NO ONE should be eating gluten or dairy</li>
<li>I notice how old I look compared to women my age that are already using Botox</li>
<li>I see so many women getting liposuction and breast implants</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul class="bullet">
</ul>
<ul>
</ul>
This bummed me out for a bit and then I realized, hey awareness is the first step. Now I can move on with my life and get past this. My weight fluctuates. So what. Life happens, movin' on. My nutritionist was just trying to help. Her diet didn't fix any of my problems, big surprise, but I tried it and now I can write her and tell her she was wrong, ha ha! Next, wrinkles? Eh, just another part of life and they're mostly smile wrinkles so who cares? Last, cosmetic surgery? It's simply not for me, and that's okay. I shouldn't let other people's choices make me feel insecure.<br />
<br />
If you're on the everything-free diet and/or in the midst of cosmetic procedures, you might be thinking, "hey what a judgy bitch!" But before you jump to that conclusion, let me point out that these are <i><b>MY </b></i>issues, not yours. I have issues with these things because my self-esteem clearly still needs work. When you struggle like I do, and it seems like everyone is worrying about this crap, it's hard to not let it rub off on you and bring you down sometimes. And because, despite my best efforts, I still compare myself to my peers. While that is really annoying, it's a totally normal, human thing to do, so I'm gonna just let that go. <br />
<br />
All of this gave me a few more insights into how to love my body, right now. Things like….guess what anorexia, fuck you, I'm not fat! And I'm not old!!! I'm 33 and I refuse to worry about every wrinkle, grey hair, and saggy piece of skin! Our society has turned aging into some sort of tragedy, and it just drives me crazy. It's just part of life. We are all going to get old and die. Period. So I'm gonna do my best to save my worry and stress for things I actually have control over or at least things that are truly important to me. Having a "perfect" face or body just doesn't make the cut.<br />
<br />
Another insightful thing I'd like to share on the topic...Did you know that about 90% of cosmetic surgery patients are women? I don't know about you, but I find that really, really, <b><i>really</i></b> sad and disturbing. And something worth thinking seriously about, especially before you dive into a surgery or procedure. Maybe ask yourself, would I be doing this if I was a man? And if you answer no, then ask, why do I feel I have to do this?<br />
<br />
I just want us to all feel good about ourselves, no matter our current physical condition or age. Not saying we're always going to be running around screaming I LOVE MYSELF! But at least good enough that our self-esteem doesn't plummet every time we gain a pound or find a new grey hair or wrinkle. And we don't feel obligated to pay a bunch of money to let someone cut on us to try to "fix" what isn't broken. I just want to encourage women to try to love themselves as they are, right now. I know how hard that is you guys. Remember I've felt terrible enough about myself to STARVE myself, so don't tell me I don't get it because I'm happily married or some shit (seriously I've had a few people say that to me). I get it, I do. Our society sucks at making us feel like we gotta fit into some perfect little box. But I want to help empower women to fight this <b>SHIT </b>that society is trying to make us do. Fuck that box you guys. Break free of it. Be yourself. Do you, whoever that is. And if the real you still wants huge, fake tits and a fat-free ass, then go for it. <br />
<br />
But I'm gonna keep my small, less than perky tits, love handles, stretch marks, and smile wrinkles. Why?! <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
'Coz I'm a <b><i><u>sexy</u> </i></b>bitch!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJs7kNosAxC08ctllJ5RRv5DiI5YTE0EgHNTTMlag_5YzgWe7ixeZn-JLtbbxq4Uvzp9ZJsYHjBTuXJFBhnwFmDkSPlVFDaG0keZHSjpX-LhTmftcef8ZAgR7kybqBg5HlwUKsqq3AeEE/s1600/20180817_132927.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1002" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJs7kNosAxC08ctllJ5RRv5DiI5YTE0EgHNTTMlag_5YzgWe7ixeZn-JLtbbxq4Uvzp9ZJsYHjBTuXJFBhnwFmDkSPlVFDaG0keZHSjpX-LhTmftcef8ZAgR7kybqBg5HlwUKsqq3AeEE/s320/20180817_132927.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-12129459685937405102018-08-02T19:50:00.001-07:002019-01-21T17:50:01.081-08:00Why There are So Few Women in Tech<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.evia.events/info-women-in-technology/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><img alt="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieovuSbv0rQ4ZpJtif4FvXxd81ZOyg4ui53iIcTmgljAJhHt93SHSHp2XJE0XetOijSfSyfhC1PXUL3rTipEgG26QgCNqOfzHUNI5UwTGDpZSwteL5Y4gu9qKbJZ3ceSgLZZ7ee7S9tF0/s1600/women-in-tech.jpg" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7uaov4AdjHeAbb8gwd1MxV_tt-ypuNQJlvzKaFpFwvYQEIRluyXYSsWTBhuT0WTV5DHwhdmKNqA6cva3N3XyMrgKr46MYwKTOjPTEzexhnii6GZUTP7cS-LOZOW5dkDbyJkuHelsRyWc/s1600/women-in-tech_sm.jpg" width="80%" /></a></div>
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;">**Just a side note that I say “women” a lot in here, but really it's any minority or underrepresented group. So as far as the tech field is concerned, pretty much anyone who's not a white, hetero, male.</span></i><br />
<br />
I spent July 20th & 21st at the ACT-W (Advancing the Careers of Technical Women) conference in Portland. I even gave a little speech of my own there, just a 5 minute Lightning Talk about “Using Adversity to Fuel Your Career.” I was a nervous wreck for several weeks leading up to this talk. I used to be alright at public speaking, but I hadn’t been in front of a crowd that big since my high school graduation (yeah that was over 15 years ago now). So I was feeling a bit rusty. Overall I’m happy with how it went. I could’ve talked slower, and steadier, and a hundred other things I could criticize. But the fact is it was way out of my comfort zone and I’m proud of myself for doing it. <br />
<br />
I had never attended this conference before, or any other conference specifically for women in tech, so I didn’t really have any expectations of what it would be like. But let me tell you, I was very impressed with everything I heard and how much I learned. Speeches, sessions, and workshops from women of all levels, beginner through CEO. I heard inspiring research, stories, and lessons. I attended sessions on how to own your value, stay healthy in the workplace, negotiate your salary, be the MVP of your own life, discover your goals, and so much more. <br />
<br />
As a woman, I think all of us have encountered sexism in our lives, and in the workplace, no matter what you do for a living. But if you’re a woman in tech, or any other male-dominated field, then you’ve likely encountered it even more than normal. As the infograph above shows, <a href="https://www.evia.events/women-in-technology" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>women hold less than 20% of tech jobs in the US</b></a>. You may be wondering, why that is? Why aren’t there more women in tech?<br />
<br />
When I started in this field in college, I had no idea why there were so few women. After a little while, I speculated the main reason was there seemed to be a general lack of interest in tech among most women. The why behind that seems to be mostly related to the fact that women aren’t “traditionally” encouraged to pursue careers in male-dominated fields. (Just goes to show you what a load of crap traditions can be.) Then, as I moved through my career, I continued to encounter sexism in some form everywhere I worked. I realized this was likely another reason for the shortage of women in my field. But even up until the conference, I didn’t realize the full extent of the issue.<br />
<br />
As my weekend with a group of fellow women in tech showed me, my
experiences are just the tip of the iceberg. Some of the stories I heard
were just appalling. And it’s not like it was just a few people, it was
pretty much everyone. I realized how overwhelming that must be for a
woman just starting out in tech, or any other male-dominated field.
Feeling like a small fish diving into a pool of sharks... and hoping to
swim along without getting eaten. <br />
<br />
As more recent stories in the media, such as last years <a href="https://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2017/10/metoo.html" target="_blank">#metoo</a> campaign, have tried to bring to light, women are faced with an exorbitant amount of sexism from a young age. If you paid attention at all to that one, you realized just how bad it was. If you didn’t pay attention, or chose to pretend it was exaggerated, than I urge you to look again, with an open mind. Meaning leave any preconceived notions about sexism behind before you start reading.<br />
<br />
“But in the workplace?” you may be saying. Yes, definitely, in the workplace. “But aren’t there laws against that?” Of course there are. And how many of us women have ever pursued legal action for any of this? I don’t have numbers for you, but I bet it’s an insanely low percentage. Why? Well geez, we’d all be constantly involved in a lawsuit if we did that! But the hassle aside, the fact is most of us are afraid to complain about it at work. No one wants to be “that girl” that made a fuss because some asshole keeps hitting on her. We don’t want to deal with the grief we will <b>undoubtedly </b>receive if we actually complained. We’ll be called a liar, a whiner, a baby, a whore, and any number of other unpleasant words, depending on the crowd. And the sad truth is most of us are just used to dealing with it at this point. Not to mention, we want to put on that strong facade. We’re tough, we’re used to this nonsense, we can handle it.<br />
<br />
Okay, so what does this have to do with women in tech? Well considering we already receive shit in the workplace, regardless of our career choice, how do you think that works out for us when we choose a male-dominated field? Now on top of the “normal” sexism, we also have to deal with a flood of people who have absolutely no faith in our ability to do our job, simply because we’re a minority in the field. Remind me again, what the hell does gender (or race or sexual orientation, etc.) have to do with our ability to do a job? Oh right...it doesn’t!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTJ421bA1Mdh3pNjpwT7hcnqMyuXoL_ETSmK6AIj2nnJg6acFG432xQv98FhPpS2QKtLjKph7U9656j-T63jX4fE5Gb8R8MJMSnkm0fKC3BGVcmiXSY6f1dRi3MAjkjS61raOpt-T1-LM/s1600/20180727_170059.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="893" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTJ421bA1Mdh3pNjpwT7hcnqMyuXoL_ETSmK6AIj2nnJg6acFG432xQv98FhPpS2QKtLjKph7U9656j-T63jX4fE5Gb8R8MJMSnkm0fKC3BGVcmiXSY6f1dRi3MAjkjS61raOpt-T1-LM/s1600/20180727_170059.jpg" width="80%" /></a></div>
<br />
I've recently been asking myself, how did I end up here? First, I was lucky enough to have a feminist as a mother. The kind that had to work and go to school full-time while being a single mom in the late 70s, when it was still okay to hire a man over a woman for a job because “he had a family to support.” (Not saying that doesn’t still happen, they just don’t usually tell you why anymore.) But hearing her stories definitely helped prepare me that yes, I will run into this type of discrimination no matter what I choose to do. But I am strong and smart enough to overcome it.<br />
<br />
Next, and probably because of how I was raised, I honestly didn’t consider how male-dominated the tech field was when I was choosing my path. It’s not like I was trying to be brave in my career choice. I simply chose to pursue what I was interested in, and I’d been interested in computers for as long as I could remember. I created my first website in high school. And after I took my first programming class in college, I was hooked. I found what I was good at, enjoyed doing, and it paid well. Sold.<br />
<br />
Lastly, I simply wasn’t intimidated by the men in my field. <b>Because the men in the tech field are not the problem</b>. Almost all of the sexism I’ve encountered in my career was not from other programmers, it was from other people outside my department or company (vendors, clients, etc.). But not other programmers. As one of my current co-workers said, we don’t care if you’re a woman or not, we care if you can code well!<br />
<br />
So if you’re a woman considering a career in tech, I urge you to not be held back by fear of discrimination. Yes, you will encounter some. But guess what? You’re going to encounter some anyway, so you might as well choose what you really want to do, whatever that may be and however un-traditional of a role it might be for you. Who cares what everyone else thinks?! It’s your life. You’re the one who has to live it.<br />
<br />
And since you read all the way to the end, you can watch my lightning talk if you'd like. If it's not loading below, <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OKW1NvuLb0f4m74BaWt6X1erxlqJmwV2/view?usp=sharing" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">click here</a> instead.
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Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-89852585549674844052018-07-03T22:05:00.001-07:002018-07-03T22:05:05.348-07:00To Write or Not to Write?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank"><img alt="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" border="0" data-original-height="918" data-original-width="932" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEeCVjdPn2qS3lFV7yrn-vO_CoWUrW0cA2l8feKQIXJtC1qiZ9W_ZoecGf6saX7rsS_144iH5FYQyw8B4_lPo_Y9O5NrZGDZsfTkogAwUl2FHdGCqm4XYxEdBNbWYbCSz0_F8Llo7TbnE/s320/Insecure+Writers+Support+Group+Badge.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Welcome to another edition of Insecure Writer’s Support Group. I finally remembered! Click the image above if you want to learn more about the group. <br /><br />Today’s question is:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
What are your ultimate writing goals, and how have they changed over time (if at all)?</blockquote>
Well isn't that just the perfect question at a time that I happen to be contemplating that exact thing! Why do I write? What is my real goal here? Is this all a waste of my time?<br /><br />Of course the first reply to that I think of is no, it's not a waste of my time as long as I'm enjoying it. But when you become wracked with insecure thoughts, you start to lose a little of your enjoyment. <i>I'm a hack. I'm no good. No one wants to read my stuff.</i> On and on goes the mind. But enough of that for the moment, and on to the answer to the question of the day.<br /><br />My ultimate writing goal is to finish the book I started during NaNoWriMo, about my eating disorder recovery. I guess my way-down-the-road goal is to write many books, but I'm not in a place in life where that is possible. "If it's important, you will make time!" say too many, yeah, yeah, I know. And I will, someday. The fact is there is simply not enough time right now for everything I want to do in life. I am finally coming to some sort of acceptance about that and the fact that it's okay. Some things can wait. Not everything we want in life is going to happen right now. And some things, like writing a bunch of books, will be a lot more enjoyable when I have more time. As it is right now, I spend a minimum of 8 hours a day in front of a computer for my day job. When I come home at night, the last thing I want to do is sit back down in front of the damn computer, even if it is to do something fun like write. <br /><br />So for now, the goal is to just finish the book, no matter how long it takes. As for blogging, I'm still contemplating my goals there. The goal of the blog for me has always been just to keep me practicing writing, you know, where people will potentially read it. Probably not the typical blogger’s answer, but I don’t really think of myself as a “blogger.” Like my blog name states, it’s really more of a journal. The key difference in my mind being that I don’t want to attract an audience through use of promotions or product giveaway gimmicks. I want you here because you like to read what I write. <br /><br />So I guess my blogging goal is still the same. Just keep doing it. Unfortunately, that’s been a lot harder for me to do so this year. I’ve been struggling with all the usual writing insecurities, plus health problems that won’t just go away. There will be a few weeks where things are good. I feel healthy, I'm running and doing lots of yoga, I have energy and optimism. I'll feel like<i> yeah life is great! Now I will start writing again!</i> And then I'll get sick , injured, or have an allergic reaction to...I don't know what, life I guess.<br /><br />And when that happens, in the pit of depression I go, and out the window goes the motivation to write. I’m sure I'm not alone, being in an insecure writer's group and all. I'm sure some of this is a normal part of the writing process or some such thing someone will say. But it all leaves me with that ugliest of thoughts. You know the one.<br />
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<i>The thought of giving up.</i><br />
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Gasp! Yep that's right. I kind of want to give up on writing, for now. Throw in the the towel and just say enough already. Then maybe I could just focus on all the other things in my life that need my attention. Like my health, children, husband, family, friends, career, etc., etc. and on the list goes.<br />
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But there's another part of me, the somewhat obnoxious and stubborn part, saying...<br />
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<b>Never. Give. Up.</b>Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-17763271434972842842018-05-08T15:39:00.001-07:002018-08-14T21:36:47.778-07:00Saint Lucia: Beautiful beaches, friendly people, and crazy drivers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxSGhRw5DKe7PQezXafP234JP6hFxk-0744nSjR2eDI4rxwqTwDnK6cwokXmBCExs5sAtUPbzYj7A9iZdt6PW92sQhD1xpMHMxHk-MUvDVrG8kafCzy9Jhz-729Ye58rPXelpyaBJSYbY/s1600/20180424_183228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxSGhRw5DKe7PQezXafP234JP6hFxk-0744nSjR2eDI4rxwqTwDnK6cwokXmBCExs5sAtUPbzYj7A9iZdt6PW92sQhD1xpMHMxHk-MUvDVrG8kafCzy9Jhz-729Ye58rPXelpyaBJSYbY/s640/20180424_183228.jpg" width="90%" /></a></div>
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Well shit it's been 2 months since I've posted anything. And I missed Insecure Writer's Support Group the last several months as well! Where have I been, you may be asking? Mostly avoiding writing (insecure writer much?), but that's a different topic. For now I'll focus on the fun stuff.<br />
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Last week, Brian and I went to Saint Lucia for vacation. Yep, just the two of us again, no kids (thank you so much Grandma Paula, you're the best!). And yes, we just took a vacation last year too. Spoiled much? Oh yeah. But this one was a celebration. This July, we'll hit our 15th wedding anniversary. That's a pretty awesome accomplishment, one we're quite proud of and felt it was something worth celebrating. And our favorite way to do so is to travel. Lucky for us, the in-laws had time-share points that needed to be used and we were happy to help them out. :)<br />
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So on the evening of April 19th we headed to the airport. After having missed our first flight last year to Belize because 6am flights simply do NOT work for us, we opted for the red-eye flights instead this time. It's not really any better because sleeping on an airplane in coach has got to be the most uncomfortable thing ever. I think we maybe accumulated an hour or two's worth of sleep the whole way there. That's over 5 hours to JFK and then 4 1/2 hours to Saint Lucia. It was exhausting.<br />
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But we made it. We stayed at the <a href="https://www.morganbayresort.com/" target="_blank">St. James Club Morgan Bay</a> resort, which was of course on the opposite side of the island from the airport and shuttles and cabs to take you on the over 1 1/2 hour drive were, as you can imagine, a bit pricey. So we opted to rent a car. They drive on the left side of the road. The steering wheel is on the right side of the car. This was by far the biggest challenge, and subsequently, greatest learning experience, of the trip. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoJFYi2WaKB67SP8_4k3aWebUmXM-f0u3BSjVit5hg4Bl_gJbNJTsXSGwZuv-rIQkXyaqceah7Az1QmlPihHKyf-OIcf6UCaX4FEXymjSjkOlAasP09Qneq3HzDAx1CQ9bFlGjosXkUZE/s1600/20180420_144009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoJFYi2WaKB67SP8_4k3aWebUmXM-f0u3BSjVit5hg4Bl_gJbNJTsXSGwZuv-rIQkXyaqceah7Az1QmlPihHKyf-OIcf6UCaX4FEXymjSjkOlAasP09Qneq3HzDAx1CQ9bFlGjosXkUZE/s400/20180420_144009.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm on the wrong side of the car?!</td></tr>
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The island is not very big but it is incredibly mountainous. That makes getting around quite the journey. There were no traffic laws, or if there were, no one followed them. The roads were insanely windy and narrow. There were very few posted speed limits and even less street signs. People pass any time they want to, even on a hill with no visibility and another car coming right at them. Emergency breaking to prevent head-on collisions are just a normal part of driving in Saint Lucia. But we made it, safe and sound...well alive anyway. I honestly wouldn't recommend renting a car there for anyone who isn't up for a serious driving challenge.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1BfGT1HBoKfBUphvPdZnJM4700r84HOHLOiJpWs2yp3clMfoUQb1Gq8gRlWq46EMVjaC9gEizWENuC91eEzr2ugizaCxl4sAwhM_ZV8zkK9F-0Mpxm_582kiRkX3AY2LKcScaXtOAHd8/s400/20180421_101654.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">View from our room</td></tr>
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We arrived at the resort in the afternoon, just in time to get settled, take a quick swim in that beautiful ocean, and grab dinner before crashing early out of pure exhaustion. But our room was awesome. Ground floor and only a very short walk to the beach. We mentioned it was our anniversary when we booked it, so maybe that's why they gave us the good room. And a bottle of champagne. The resort was very nice and the staff were always super friendly, helpful, and fun.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR0eFgqqPudAb7tYpIuOuzGrk551WkOmhLiMf2b6iGO-11XiCl8TRXH5Ibcmv4WOAzHO1UoQQt3YtLepQfvdrxlcsfQacgjIZ3XwT6zSmpLxv2wob_NxtfGKS0DDsSSN64I7aYF1fnZTE/s1600/20180422_091243.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR0eFgqqPudAb7tYpIuOuzGrk551WkOmhLiMf2b6iGO-11XiCl8TRXH5Ibcmv4WOAzHO1UoQQt3YtLepQfvdrxlcsfQacgjIZ3XwT6zSmpLxv2wob_NxtfGKS0DDsSSN64I7aYF1fnZTE/s400/20180422_091243.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautiful beach</td></tr>
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We spent the first several days doing exactly what we wanted. Laying on the beach with a drink in hand, soaking up that sun. Actually I was heavily sun blocked, under an umbrella, and/or wearing a shirt most of the time because I burn like a redhead and we were close enough to the equator to make the sun all the more intense for this pasty chic. I learned a valuable lesson about the expiration date on sunblock. Turns out it actually does mean something. Weird right? Ah well, what's another dozen freckles when I already have thousands?</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjInLhRuzX89_LfwHXIse4Xd4_3sC2eTVCrzMnOHct6Dm8fd00pc_o6GLZ7N9AofmXFrB0sqsuROB91C3VlgrC7rSc6qh3daSwF8zJVxlZYJ3XpLix6rVLhRm8RE7WmHlMJDPzXNKr6tyo/s1600/20180423_152612.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjInLhRuzX89_LfwHXIse4Xd4_3sC2eTVCrzMnOHct6Dm8fd00pc_o6GLZ7N9AofmXFrB0sqsuROB91C3VlgrC7rSc6qh3daSwF8zJVxlZYJ3XpLix6rVLhRm8RE7WmHlMJDPzXNKr6tyo/s400/20180423_152612.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">View from the spa</td></tr>
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I mostly laid on the beach and read. I indulged at the spa one day. Brian went sailing a few times. We both went kayaking but I didn't make it 20 minutes before the waves started to get to me and I had to go back. (Yep I even get motion sickness on a kayak, wtf.) We did lots of swimming in the ocean and some in the pools. We did yoga a couple times. But mostly we just enjoyed some much needed rest and relaxation.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="1600" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEMs6DJ3C-A1Jmv54Ns9CaUCsQBEDyqXyvto8R4rlHWQEYE_YL0ikmkSQD5DBo8Z7GOXyfPyqOaEQ_numdlzVT88ycq9Kl52eS6u3GZNOfwqrY52xToGNaTy8KY2CSvWHkiEgiiFzeogk/s400/hilltopview.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">View from the hilltop pool</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Every evening we made time to watch the sunset. Something we rarely make time to do in daily life. It's the little things like that about vacation that make it so nice. And the sunsets did not disappoint. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbG8geVohe2XIyD7ouK5BnnuX69Oeuwjv5ssIzOhVI5IjMpHoZCLH3JX9MgJwBN3gfNo3gDCtLcs6r2LzFbT_CXZNKJ-x52RuQ2ZzXm2TkL5o7NJERXshgcHzJMdSgIBPKJtsDnOSBA5s/s1600/20180424_180848_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbG8geVohe2XIyD7ouK5BnnuX69Oeuwjv5ssIzOhVI5IjMpHoZCLH3JX9MgJwBN3gfNo3gDCtLcs6r2LzFbT_CXZNKJ-x52RuQ2ZzXm2TkL5o7NJERXshgcHzJMdSgIBPKJtsDnOSBA5s/s400/20180424_180848_001.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Awwwww</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt1O7MAmT8W15SPG2IiRfgBQ3oZc6rP1DQpb_FNJJyWLIxacU39bdgc8idpIdCRBC1aeWVuVF4Z14GVo1c-YqDH74Frfe2s6c_rhLCRc0whJjJEJIWI5K2gnYg51Q33MdHGYOdgntjAYc/s1600/20180424_182648.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt1O7MAmT8W15SPG2IiRfgBQ3oZc6rP1DQpb_FNJJyWLIxacU39bdgc8idpIdCRBC1aeWVuVF4Z14GVo1c-YqDH74Frfe2s6c_rhLCRc0whJjJEJIWI5K2gnYg51Q33MdHGYOdgntjAYc/s400/20180424_182648.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This doesn't even do it justice</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFtpBNu3kUXElGMzU66TpAeLBCMALVlajuaTvV_C7UPaXiZrp7Cx7eusVt_pKmk0PaD9LOSiRNe6CrTNd-A4-5sImUJBrZiDK1dZlI52V4Y5_tEd1crTZ16IeuySB2hWJGTGU8rSkQaLM/s1600/20180425_181937.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFtpBNu3kUXElGMzU66TpAeLBCMALVlajuaTvV_C7UPaXiZrp7Cx7eusVt_pKmk0PaD9LOSiRNe6CrTNd-A4-5sImUJBrZiDK1dZlI52V4Y5_tEd1crTZ16IeuySB2hWJGTGU8rSkQaLM/s400/20180425_181937.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who needs a selfie stick when you got long-ass arms?</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Wednesday nights are beach party night at that resort. There were bonfires and tons of local food and drinks. There were guys walking around and doing stunts on stilts and a bunch of people dressed up in some funky costumes. I never heard what the costumes were about, but the Burners in us felt right at home. The staff were so good at creating a party atmosphere. There was entertainment every night we were there, with a variety of live music and a couple nights there was even karaoke. Brian of course participated. Go check it out on his <a href="https://www.instagram.com/brianrickmann/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gtyM7b4J31u_QFUsFC_no878c8ewyf-EacUlsJN11UJh6gIh9ptbvu_5rPeX9U-UR3jd8GFSXe8sEHr9H2dLhh7URW41cfxqvhqReuTeIhd3oHRL4_wpuvNEZyNlKv5uC-PwsVtAYfQ/s1600/20180425_192353.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gtyM7b4J31u_QFUsFC_no878c8ewyf-EacUlsJN11UJh6gIh9ptbvu_5rPeX9U-UR3jd8GFSXe8sEHr9H2dLhh7URW41cfxqvhqReuTeIhd3oHRL4_wpuvNEZyNlKv5uC-PwsVtAYfQ/s400/20180425_192353.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beach party</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRYtOwXbXdM2uptU_RzI_ACVMNpvAYKQl43c2ZzOfR1aknVC3_9ThVcbOq6rNODhSJeUNpvUINMNZZGkD__gu4eB8BOycOkDw4rhsOHDpwxoJKWbSzu825Ocd1Hff1ByntFfi1PNOTZRw/s1600/20180425_192407.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRYtOwXbXdM2uptU_RzI_ACVMNpvAYKQl43c2ZzOfR1aknVC3_9ThVcbOq6rNODhSJeUNpvUINMNZZGkD__gu4eB8BOycOkDw4rhsOHDpwxoJKWbSzu825Ocd1Hff1ByntFfi1PNOTZRw/s400/20180425_192407.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's not every day you get your picture with the devil</td></tr>
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We had planned on hiking the Pitons while we were there. But after talking to a few people, locals and tourists, who had done the hike we'd intended, we realized we were not in shape, or in the mood, for that strenuous of a hike. Everyone said it took 4 hours round-trip, with the first part being moderate but very hot as it's in the jungle. The higher you get (the peak was 2,500 ft and the hike included 2,300 of it), the more it cooled off, but the more it turned into rock climbing instead of hiking. Even Brian wasn't feeling up for it, and he's the good climber! So I didn't feel bad slacking off. Instead we did the Tet Paul Nature Trail that was near the Pitons. Super easy walk but still great pictures. All the benefit for no work! Well I drove there so I wouldn't have to take Dramamine, so that was still work. Crazy ass drivers and the road there were even windier and narrower than the one from the airport.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwtBl1xlUrGRswablS7UEbnBsUHYV9wLdenwnd2HxSFdvf1BhgXdE7Gaxefn8rA1AKJ5AC8hdItsKVoFwSOY8BBypk23p1ea4xG34PSmgPUDgsdRMNCWWt9GVxo5YX-fHD-w8fIOFCvPk/s1600/20180426_111704.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwtBl1xlUrGRswablS7UEbnBsUHYV9wLdenwnd2HxSFdvf1BhgXdE7Gaxefn8rA1AKJ5AC8hdItsKVoFwSOY8BBypk23p1ea4xG34PSmgPUDgsdRMNCWWt9GVxo5YX-fHD-w8fIOFCvPk/s400/20180426_111704.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mountain on the far left is Mt. Gimie, 3,117 ft.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirYnIfFS79WKmziAXvAnd-aEvs-b8XKaTfYnMypJ1XSgANRqkc0LNeNlkjubks_umhPiMUkYdy7zd5l6FPqjECnAFRZTZP3GjPNeHBnu11Haf8SZf9T4Jw6q9oMACKfrhxeiUwLlmT78A/s1600/20180426_112631.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirYnIfFS79WKmziAXvAnd-aEvs-b8XKaTfYnMypJ1XSgANRqkc0LNeNlkjubks_umhPiMUkYdy7zd5l6FPqjECnAFRZTZP3GjPNeHBnu11Haf8SZf9T4Jw6q9oMACKfrhxeiUwLlmT78A/s400/20180426_112631.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gros Piton, 2,579 ft.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9ilBylNDiR74fUMaacawqBYCfNNyvQpPLL0mPQE4efbrd59fpohgV1bY78t93aVkj3BZa6MKh8li8NtT42XsiJiupYZPK-e8ZiTI7MsinT8S-ET1M0CH-AZUyGR22f6adSNqPpYMOnco/s1600/20180426_113411.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9ilBylNDiR74fUMaacawqBYCfNNyvQpPLL0mPQE4efbrd59fpohgV1bY78t93aVkj3BZa6MKh8li8NtT42XsiJiupYZPK-e8ZiTI7MsinT8S-ET1M0CH-AZUyGR22f6adSNqPpYMOnco/s400/20180426_113411.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Petite Piton, 2,425 ft.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
After the walk we headed back to the nearby town of Soufriere to find some lunch. This town, and the drive there, was educational. It gave a more realistic feel of what life is like for locals. It's not resort living for them. From what we saw, the majority of jobs are working in tourism or on farms. Many people appear to be living in poverty. It was pretty similar to Central America in that regard. Every country we've been to now always leaves me with those guilty feelings. You know the ones. The "man do we have it good and don't truly appreciate it" and "geez I wish I knew how to help"? Yeah those. Two of the many reasons traveling is an important thing to do. Especially for us spoiled Americans.</div>
<br />
Anyways, back in our privileged life.... before heading back to the resort, we enjoyed some snorkeling at Anse Chastanet Beach. The water was so clear right off the beach here so I didn't have to get on a boat (win!). And Brian decided to test the waterproof-ness of my phone. Thankfully it held up and he got a few good shots.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1l_qpBf7KHfhqj79rHiwTrgD-tCdBChw474TtAd2LW4IL4T32mtjbVnGiEVfFlWqrujwwWb9ilrFTE8EraB7GSYcikn8Wuk93wmeih9vWXSi9UEfKd48OXxJYUN5_PRVrFN6bx6MvVMQ/s1600/20180426_141323.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1l_qpBf7KHfhqj79rHiwTrgD-tCdBChw474TtAd2LW4IL4T32mtjbVnGiEVfFlWqrujwwWb9ilrFTE8EraB7GSYcikn8Wuk93wmeih9vWXSi9UEfKd48OXxJYUN5_PRVrFN6bx6MvVMQ/s400/20180426_141323.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not sure what kind of fish but they were very pretty</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFvQmZm6WOqb4y8UEhpMWxBjpHJ2jZsTrFX6fLVWt83NV59kE4XsHBGg5r0Y9Dq6Bf3rw0nmcADDTDNQf5Yu8txbFG3ax_TAaHGP1DEWDHTpcF9HPrN72f74t0aOlVv3PdZZuCnby1Rt0/s1600/20180426_141640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFvQmZm6WOqb4y8UEhpMWxBjpHJ2jZsTrFX6fLVWt83NV59kE4XsHBGg5r0Y9Dq6Bf3rw0nmcADDTDNQf5Yu8txbFG3ax_TAaHGP1DEWDHTpcF9HPrN72f74t0aOlVv3PdZZuCnby1Rt0/s400/20180426_141640.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sea snake ahh!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhJbcANqRRlwBqlZdkHEpagQo7lN3XnWya27WuYpMbrl_0sD3M-Hu_Yhsb5we91dK9inSF8eka6_xA4W119MA3M_Fe8ifOPZDtG_p6SPVV47ywR7WpMSsiS8muE8y3sL7UQ9cqGXU4D68/s1600/20180426_142139.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhJbcANqRRlwBqlZdkHEpagQo7lN3XnWya27WuYpMbrl_0sD3M-Hu_Yhsb5we91dK9inSF8eka6_xA4W119MA3M_Fe8ifOPZDtG_p6SPVV47ywR7WpMSsiS8muE8y3sL7UQ9cqGXU4D68/s400/20180426_142139.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I ended up in the middle of a big school of these guys, so awesome</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh-9Ehqb7V9t_pI2F1N-qH1qKQchaTQIh7Vn9gQ4EkVwGQW2ZBe3kKJWSnQFEDuvZKP65AnfkODOSkBYKPaedDNI3L6YptTyWLGFfWENFA_n71PA-pBeeaD5ExhPdswy9dAkWVRLVBslM/s1600/20180426_141912.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh-9Ehqb7V9t_pI2F1N-qH1qKQchaTQIh7Vn9gQ4EkVwGQW2ZBe3kKJWSnQFEDuvZKP65AnfkODOSkBYKPaedDNI3L6YptTyWLGFfWENFA_n71PA-pBeeaD5ExhPdswy9dAkWVRLVBslM/s400/20180426_141912.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The skinny one is a pipe fish, there was also a huge school of them not far from us</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And then like that, the week was over. More red eye flights and then we were home. Tired but very happy. Saint Lucia was a wonderful vacation. I would highly recommend it if you're looking for a Caribbean destination. Relaxing and spending some real, quality time together was the best way to celebrate our soon-to-be 15 years of marriage.Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-77665158132782179592018-03-03T11:22:00.002-08:002018-08-14T21:38:51.533-07:00My Revelations from Life in Recovery<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIAhw8psFXB-AvqRJIy7tLsy7QSGAYnGAph3cfJtOvmWgGoP5b5Z1Tc4SbxTI12KRPAvK0eY-xzBV2rBV4R1-AvD_KhNF1qehEPYsOWCbrN2H00nZae9lTtApoWt7djTJZJCfepJCLV94/s1600/20180303_100531.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIAhw8psFXB-AvqRJIy7tLsy7QSGAYnGAph3cfJtOvmWgGoP5b5Z1Tc4SbxTI12KRPAvK0eY-xzBV2rBV4R1-AvD_KhNF1qehEPYsOWCbrN2H00nZae9lTtApoWt7djTJZJCfepJCLV94/s320/20180303_100531.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
This week is <a href="https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-involved/nedawareness" target="_blank">National Eating Disorder Awareness</a> (#NEDAwareness) Week. So in honor of that, I wanted to write a little bit about what recovery has been like for me, and what I have learned.<br />
<br />
I have been recovered for many years. So these days recovery looks pretty damn good. My life is what I want it to be, what I have made it. Not every day is a breeze, life is still full of ups and downs. But at least I am experiencing true happiness. And I won't lie to you, it took a very long time to get here.<br />
<br />
The first step was of course deciding that <a href="http://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2017/09/i-want-to-live.html" target="_blank">I wanted to live</a>. The next step was love. I had to learn to take care of myself, to love myself and eventually my body. I'm sure this is as hard for everyone else as it was for me. And it takes more than just eating healthy and exercising in moderation. I've had to learn not to be stressed out all the damn time. I've had to learn how to relax. I've had to learn to accept myself for who I am. Instead of over-analyzing every aspect of my life, I try to, ya know, live it. Instead of constantly worrying if I'm enough, I regularly have to take a step back and realize that "enough" is right up there with "perfection" and "balance" on the list of illusions the world is trying to sell you. There is no such thing as enough. You have to let that fear go. You are beyond enough. But it doesn't matter how many times I or anyone else tells you that. You have to want, really want, to believe that yourself.<br />
<br />
This year's NEDAwareness theme is "Let's Get Real". So complete, unfiltered truth here. Recovery can be a fucking nightmare. But guess what? If you're letting your eating disorder consume you, you're already living the worst nightmare imaginable. Recovery might suck large but it's nothing compared with what you're constantly doing to yourself. I know you might feel numb a lot of the time and so you think living with your illness is not that bad. But as your body slowly deteriorates, the numbness won't be enough. Eventually all you will feel is pain. All you will see are nightmares, even when you're awake.<br />
<br />
Recovery makes you face those nightmares. It requires that you quit hiding behind your illness and instead stand up to it. It forces you to shed that numbness and feel everything, no matter how painful. It usually includes therapy of some kind, whether you want it or not. And in it, even if it takes years and years, you will have to talk about all the things you don't want to talk about. The primary one being why you are doing this to yourself. You may not, like I did not, know why at first. And that will be part of the challenge. Sorting through all your own agonizing feelings and memories to find the source.<br />
<br />
I spent many years in recovery not knowing why I felt the way I did, why I had started hurting myself in the first place. I spent most of those years not really trying to figure it out, but instead trying to put it behind me and hope I was past the worst of it. It wasn't until depression came back and knocked me on my ass after so many years of recovery that I sought out treatment again. That I started to dig for that why. That I realized I would never be free until I understood it.<br />
<br />
And after a lot more work and soul-searching, I found my answer. Like a revelation, the pieces started to fall into place. And I began to understand the most important piece of the entire puzzle. The piece I think is critical to everyone's recovery. That this was not my fault.<br />
<br />
<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">It is not your fault!</span></b></i><br />
<br />
It is not your fault. It is not your fault. Say that to yourself, over and over until you believe it. These are powerful words that have the ability to help you take that next step in recovery. Once you believe them, you will realize the next steps are entirely in your control and up to you. It was not your fault it started. But now you choose to continue down the self-destructive path that leads to a life of misery and likely an early death. Or you choose to find a different path. Your own path instead of your eating disorder's path. This path is still hard, uncertain, and full of challenges. But it is yours to make it what you want. And trust me when I say, it is a beautiful path.<br />
<br />
Life in recovery is messy, imperfect, surprising, and will still often feel out of your control. But it is beautiful in spite of, and often because of, all of it's so called imperfections. All of the lies your eating disorder is feeding you couldn't be farther from the truth. Life <i><b>is</b></i> worth living. You <i><b>are</b></i> worthy. You have no idea what amazing experiences life has in store for you. No matter how bad life can suck sometimes, there is still always wonderful things along with the challenges. Don't let your eating disorder steal all of life's joy from you. Don't let it steal your life. And never forget...<br />
<br />
Recovery <i><b>is </b></i>worth it.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidExwrdxeuGhFigm7jkq10xUFn7toZtVdv8E2Q5aaixLlawOBMdDG3jL03w3XkGskMdPWO1Y1wM61qUq7WdQYq9H8hZL3AkHhPO0PLwmD-DwLBxygK-e3d4HS7E4OsVEWt62B9C5qFRDU/s1600/FamCollage.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1335" data-original-width="1600" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidExwrdxeuGhFigm7jkq10xUFn7toZtVdv8E2Q5aaixLlawOBMdDG3jL03w3XkGskMdPWO1Y1wM61qUq7WdQYq9H8hZL3AkHhPO0PLwmD-DwLBxygK-e3d4HS7E4OsVEWt62B9C5qFRDU/s320/FamCollage.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-18649203360825307462018-02-27T19:54:00.001-08:002018-08-14T21:36:57.958-07:00What is Self-Care, Really?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTB8K39zmubzFDpd4o28pjmYZVBqmlDdxqBVnT8pxGeGXTgXS54gzi9RU0PV7gn34qUkzYdFd_yZwsdz0Q4M7aPBxg8fYX9oR4QXjIjrpYK_zU6lgbpMIYIXJ0CjsTs2uHlHZpvfrgTlE/s1600/BoysYoga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1285" data-original-width="1600" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTB8K39zmubzFDpd4o28pjmYZVBqmlDdxqBVnT8pxGeGXTgXS54gzi9RU0PV7gn34qUkzYdFd_yZwsdz0Q4M7aPBxg8fYX9oR4QXjIjrpYK_zU6lgbpMIYIXJ0CjsTs2uHlHZpvfrgTlE/s320/BoysYoga.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">So what does your self-care routine look like?</span></i></blockquote>
Anyone else sick of articles and ads asking you that question? I know I am. I'm really sick of seeing yoga ads that look like their selling sex and yoga clothes instead of just encouraging you to try yoga. "Treat yourself" or "take care of you" slogans are being used to try and sell you all sorts of things, from clothes and beauty products to prescription drugs and overpriced exercise programs. As if spending a bunch of money on crap you don't need counts as self-care. I know I'm not the only one who's sick of being targeted. I recently read <a href="https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2017/11/this-is-what-self-care-really-means-because-its-not-all-salt-baths-and-chocolate-cake/" target="_blank">this</a> article about what self-care really looks like. It hit home on a lot of points so I'm going to share a few with you. My favorite first (on what self-care is)...<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal
in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake
friends."</blockquote>
Yes! All of that. Right there.<br />
<br />
I've always felt pushed by society and pulled by my own desires to be
exceptional. Events in my childhood left me often wishing I was normal,
but at the same time being afraid of it. I believed being
normal wasn't good enough. I was smart and strong and so had to be proving that at
all times. While I think it's good to challenge ourselves, it's hard not
to let this mentality go too far. It's an easy slip into being a perfectionist, where nothing is ever
good enough.<br />
<br />
I know perfection isn't achievable. I know life is rarely going to
balance. Both perfection and balance are illusions that society tries to tell you are real. But I do want to feel that I'm doing enough, while
actually taking care of myself. But I don't want self-care to be
on my mental checklist of things I have to remember to do everyday. It
should be something that comes naturally, something that we just all do for ourselves because it feels good and is a great way to enjoy our lives. It shouldn't
be something I end up only doing because I get so overwhelmed with life
that I literally quit functioning until I get some rest. <br />
<br />
It's not always quite so extreme. Sometimes there is a bit
of balance. Sometimes I take care of myself because it feels good and
not because I've worked myself to exhaustion. Sometimes I don't make a
stupid to-do list for the weekend and I just rest and spend time with my
family. Sometimes I take a bath because it's relaxing and not because
I'm sick. Sometimes I take a vacation because it's fun and not because I'm in desperate need of a break from my life. And when I look at self-care with the re-defined thoughts
brought up in that article, I feel a lot better about what I do.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHucZH2kPRr90Af8Pb9uv3ctpSJsnNXsXhkFzJCM70h_74V_h7-0LMeD48yM9mcTSkjIcYL-KTZTTg9QXQibgP3YcmRAe-mWAgWjgcSPSKgO-iFVDl9taA8KsafCpPR0fjkynV9PxnFwU/s1600/BrianSebastianYoga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1429" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHucZH2kPRr90Af8Pb9uv3ctpSJsnNXsXhkFzJCM70h_74V_h7-0LMeD48yM9mcTSkjIcYL-KTZTTg9QXQibgP3YcmRAe-mWAgWjgcSPSKgO-iFVDl9taA8KsafCpPR0fjkynV9PxnFwU/s320/BrianSebastianYoga.jpg" width="285" /></a></div>
<br />
My house will never be perfectly clean. Five
minutes after we clean it there's toys and dirty clothes strewn all over the damn place or
someone spilled something or smeared chocolate on
something or brushed their teeth (which means toothpaste <i>everywhere</i>). I've learned to let go of the illusion that my identity as a wife and mom is somehow tied to the cleanliness of my house. How tidy my house is, is not a reflection of how good of a woman I am. It's simply a reflection of the fact that we LIVE in this house. <br />
<br />
And having abs and fake friends are on the list of things I just
don't have time for, and that's okay. Because those things do not help
my life. Fake people tend to have a negative influence on me. People that talk too much about the superficial things in life, things that I try my best to ignore, I find a challenge to be around. Either because it's things I simply do not care about, or it's things I'm trying not to care about. Like abs for example. Who doesn't want nice abs? But I've spent years trying to have a positive body image, and stressing about my abs does not help my cause. I simply don't have the room or willpower for these types of people in my life right now. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others."</blockquote>
Yeah it is. You can't make everybody happy. It's never gonna happen. I have a tendency to be a people pleaser. Even the aforementioned fake people, I used to want everyone to like me. But at some point, I started to lose the energy to give a shit what everyone thought. I try not to worry about making anybody happy now except the people I care about. And for them, I make a lot of sacrifices. I tend to doubt myself there and worry that I'm not giving enough, because sometimes I let them down too. But that's crap. I know deep down that I'm giving my best. It may not always look how I imagined it would. But I know it's my all because I'm not holding back on the people I love. <br />
<br />
Sometimes I have to choose between doing something I need and doing something for someone else. And sometimes those sacrifices happen and I put the other person first. And other times I have to put myself first. That's what self-care really looks like for me. Learning my limits, knowing when to say no. And the real challenge for me, not feeling guilty about it afterwards. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"...it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from."</blockquote>
That is really the best definition of self-care. Mostly we run around like crazy, trying to do everything for everyone all the time. And when we finally take a break it really does feel like an escape. And sometimes during that break you'll get that urge to keep running far away from your life. It's okay to admit it, we've all felt it at some point I'm sure. But I don't want to feel that feeling ever again. I love my life. For whatever reason I sometimes allow it to overwhelm me and stress me out, but it doesn't have to. In those moments when I stop, and be still, and really listen, I see the truth. I already have everything I've ever wanted. I don't need to overwork myself. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I can just be happy and enjoy this beautiful life that I've made for myself.<br />
<br />
<br />
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Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-76835556744668881882018-02-07T22:10:00.001-08:002018-02-25T12:54:12.494-08:00IWSG<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="918" data-original-width="932" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEeCVjdPn2qS3lFV7yrn-vO_CoWUrW0cA2l8feKQIXJtC1qiZ9W_ZoecGf6saX7rsS_144iH5FYQyw8B4_lPo_Y9O5NrZGDZsfTkogAwUl2FHdGCqm4XYxEdBNbWYbCSz0_F8Llo7TbnE/s320/Insecure+Writers+Support+Group+Badge.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Well then 2018 is already hauling ass isn't it? I completely missed IWSG last month, but if you read my posts about Sebastian (<a href="http://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2018/01/tension-headache-or-tumor.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2018/01/celebrate-every-nf-win.html" target="_blank">here</a>), then you understand I was a wee bit occupied worrying about my darling son. Quick update there, he's doing much better. Only mild headaches this last month. And for that, I am eternally grateful.<br />
<br />
So this month's question is...<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
What do you love about the genre you write in most often?</blockquote>
<br />
When I first read that I thought oh that doesn't really apply to me, because I don't really write in any one "genre". But the more I thought about that I realized, that's not entirely true. On my blog I definitely bounce around topics, but they're all basically non-fiction articles about one thing or another. And then my book is also a non-fiction, personal history type. So that would put everything I currently write about in the non-fiction genre. <br />
<br />
So what do I love about it? Simply put, I like the truth. I like to tell stories too, and I'm sure I'll try my hand at a good, old fashion fiction story one day. But right now, there's so much to write about just from my life. The here and now. The past that brought me here. I find it all very fascinating. It's also just what my blog name says, a journal. It's life as it's happening for me. I already have enough years of posts that it's interesting to go back and read stuff from a few years ago. It's just another thing I find helpful for learning about myself and growing as a person, and especially in my writing.<br />
<br />
I love that anybody can come to my blog and know that whatever they read, it will be true. Of course it's my truth, which may not be your truth, but that's the point isn't it? All of us are here together, but we're not all having the same experience. Talking, reading, and writing about each other's lives is how we all learn from each other and about humanity. The more we understand each other, the better we will communicate, and ultimately (hopefully) get along better.<br />
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The other thing I love about non-fiction is trying to assist and educate people. Writing has been not only a great, therapeutic outlet for me, but has given me the opportunity to help people. I've reached others with eating disorders, and have I think, at least been some help there, even if it's only been to give them hope that recovery is real and possible. And because of our experiences with Sebastian, I've educated myself about <a href="http://www.ctf.org/understanding-nf/nf1" target="_blank">neurofibromatosis type 1</a> (NF1) and have been able to help spread awareness about this, not-so-long-ago, unheard of genetic disorder. <br />
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Well it's late and I'm tired, and that's enough of my truths for today. I have a lot more posts being written in my brain, so hopefully I'll make time to get them out of my head in the next couple weeks. Until then, hope you're all enjoying 2018! :)<br />
<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-45128999446188300102018-01-16T18:22:00.004-08:002018-02-25T12:52:12.791-08:00Celebrate Every NF Win<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi1MO5yEkfXDhMmijjDF-y50sObERPuIZMdV1P1OjOJXBFbAdB4Cf_yyCAw8gsOA31z12zOmbu-gb6BWvBV7Zr4C3WWQdEPRhB9MXCXqlqj5GRFBVCB6aUr8DEIq0F8q794nImdzgqikE/s1600/Jim-Carrey-300x217.png" style="float: left; height: 0px; width: 0px:margin:0px;" />
You all got time to hear this shit because I have good news! Sebastian does not have a brain tumor! And more good news, he hasn't had a bad headache in a whole week!
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First, in case you didn't hear, Sebastian made it through the MRI without wiggling at all. The tech said
he didn't have to re-do a single image and he did better than many
adults! They were also very impressed that Brian had him practice ahead
of time. I think the practice helped a lot, and that we impressed upon him how <strike>expensive</strike> important it was for him to be still for it.</div>
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We saw Sebastian's neurologist yesterday and she reviewed the radiologist's report of the MRI with us. There were a couple of spots, what they call Unidentified Bright Objects (UBOs), because they show up as just a bright spot on the image. They have no mass and so are not pushing on anything. They are very common on MRIs of kids with NF1 and do not cause any problems that they know of. I stumbled my way through a few abstracts of studies done on these spots, and they are studying the correlation of UBOs with learning disorders. But it didn't sound like anything definitive had come from these yet. Still very interesting as they all mentioned that a majority of NF1 patients had these spots on their MRIs, but only while they're young. Apparently the spots can lessen or go away entirely as they grow up. Fascinating, and definitely worth further study, but thankfully nothing to be concerned about.</div>
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The neurologist thinks Sebastian likely experienced his first migraine (and hopefully last in my mind), probably triggered from illness, since he'd been so sick right before. There's quite a long family history of migraines on my side, so it's not surprising between that and NF1, that he may suffer from headaches. The good news about that is there are plenty of us in the family with experience in figuring out headache triggers. So I'm confident we will be able to figure out his and help him avoid the pain as much as possible. </div>
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With this in mind, we also took him to see my naturopath yesterday, as I knew from my own experience that natural medicine tends to be much more helpful in finding the source of things like headaches. And giving you gentler treatment options as well. Here we talked about things like diet, probiotics, supplements, and essential oils. I'm not against treating him with Ibuprofen, but I want to save that for when it's really bad. I like having other options for whenever it's not so bad, and ideas on working towards preventing it.</div>
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In my own experience, headaches are more often than not caused from something basic. Not getting enough sleep, not drinking enough water, eating unhealthy, and not getting enough exercise are at the top of the list. For me the list extended into things like inhaling any fragrances or chemicals, which can trigger an instance migraine complete with light sensitivity and nausea (seriously people, lay off the perfume and cologne, you're killing me). So yes, migraines suck, but I feel much more confident and prepared on how to handle this than any other diagnosis they may have thrown at us.<br />
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Next steps will all depend on if they come back at all, and if so when, how bad, any obvious cause, etc. So we'll see what happens. But in the meantime, I'm going to keep celebrating every win we get on this NF journey. And doing my happy dance, which I'm not gonna lie, probably looks a little something like this:</div>
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Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-14773292868246132832018-01-10T18:18:00.001-08:002018-08-14T21:55:46.553-07:00Tension Headache or Tumor?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdGbr__qqgcqTWgJc0u6Q3VFHiunThGDx6oDCVfBvV0kSrdmO2oD9IIvp57fNzZg5foMmh01tYzmZaFOEJ3MSa6WaVCEtg5fpT1d4z-a6G1h9a-1wOXifqGMgRUXevMZZ5hGABCH-kWLc/s1600/SebastianMassage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1584" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdGbr__qqgcqTWgJc0u6Q3VFHiunThGDx6oDCVfBvV0kSrdmO2oD9IIvp57fNzZg5foMmh01tYzmZaFOEJ3MSa6WaVCEtg5fpT1d4z-a6G1h9a-1wOXifqGMgRUXevMZZ5hGABCH-kWLc/s320/SebastianMassage.jpg" width="316" /></a></div>
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Well Happy New Year! I sure hope your year has started off better than ours. It's been, well, challenging to say the least. And not just since the new year, but for almost a month now. As if the holidays aren't stressful enough, we had to add a hefty dose of illness to ours. <br />
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It all started on December 17th. Sebastian began throwing up rather suddenly. It seemed to be some sort of stomach virus as Oscar developed the symptoms later that day as well. They both recovered quickly from the stomach part but also seemed to develop colds right afterwards. Nothing too surprising as it is Oscar's first winter in preschool and Sebastian had made it most of the school year so far without getting too sick. Thankfully, Brian and I managed to avoid the stomach part of it but I did catch their cold which hung around for weeks. Typical winter for me.<br />
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The odd part happened a few days after the boys seemed to be through the worst of this bug. In the middle of the night on Oscar's birthday, the 22nd, Sebastian woke up screaming in pain with a headache. His exact words were "my head is exploding." Not exactly the words you want to hear your child use...ever. We did what we could to calm him and gave him some children's tylenol. He suffered on and off for several days. By Sunday we were very concerned and called the advice nurse and his pediatrician's office to get the on-call doctor. Both said the same thing. We should probably go to the ER if we think it's that serious.<br />
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We hesitated at that. Not only because the ER is obscenely expensive, not covered by our insurance unless the deductible has been met, and a ridiculously long wait for mediocre healthcare. But because we weren't sure if the doctor really believed Sebastian needed emergency care, or if it was because he has NF1. Headaches are very common among people with NF. Sometimes it's from a tumor, but not always. The fact that he had been sick a few days before and was still fighting a cold made us question if this was really an NF issue versus just a really bad sinus headache. Sebastian has always had a low tolerance for pain and been on the sensitive side, which makes it very difficult to tell when something is serious. <br />
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So we waited it out, got him in to see his doctor on the 26th. She was uncertain about the cause of his headaches and remained on the fence about if we should go to the ER still. The issue being that scheduling imaging and getting the results takes a long time. We were very frustrated by this. Why is our system setup in a way that we can't get urgent healthcare? It's only super slow or emergency for things like this, no in between. And yes, I called EVERY urgent care in our area, and not a single one of them have a CT scan or MRI machine. The doctor recommended going to the ER if any new symptoms developed or the headaches continued after the cold symptoms were gone.<br />
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The cold went away and the headaches continued, but just in the afternoon and at night. He woke in agony again late on the 27th, and so, sick of the uncertainty, Brian took him into the ER. They did a CT scan and said it was clear. The doctor labeled them "tension headaches" and said to keep treating with Ibuprofen and Tylenol. <br />
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Tension headaches seems like a very broad diagnosis, especially since he's had no history of headaches. It sounded more like one of the many labels that actually means "we don't know." Sometimes, instead of a vague diagnosis, I'd prefer the doctors were honest and just admitted to not knowing. Some people think the label helps. But going on 5 years now knowing about Sebastian's NF, I'd have to disagree with that. We have the label. It doesn't really help, but instead trades the stress of not knowing with too much knowledge. We know all the things that might go wrong. It makes every tiny thing that happens to him into something much bigger. Maybe he does have a tiny tumor in his head somewhere causing these headaches. Or maybe he just has a lingering sinus infection, crappy posture which is hurting his neck, clenching his teeth, an unknown food or environmental allergy, not drinking enough water, not sleeping enough, etc. etc. forever and ever. The list of things that can cause a headache is ridiculous.<br />
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But as everything with NF, we simply do not know. And the only way we have to even attempt to know, is to run more tests. The headaches continued at night for over a week. Some nights it wasn't so bad and others we slept very little. It got to the point where we started giving him Ibuprofen in the evening before dinner just to avoid the onslaught of pain. And it gave us all some much needed sleep. Then Oscar caught yet another stomach virus, and two days later it hit the rest of us at the same time. It's been a rough couple of days. But oddly enough, Sebastian has not complained of a headache since then. Maybe he's just been distracted by the stomach pain? Guess we'll see tonight as we're all on the mend now.<br />
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But last week when it was still bad, we told the doctor we were still concerned even
though it didn't seem to be an emergency. They tried to schedule an MRI
but of course their soonest available was several weeks out. They put in
an urgent request to a different hospital, this time at OHSU (which has
been better anyways in our experience), and he is going in tomorrow afternoon. <br />
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If you've been following my blog for awhile, you know we've avoided the MRI for years because for a child, it requires full anesthesia. In the past we were told the youngest a kid had made it through without being sedated was 9. Not sure when this changed, but now they offered a different option. They can let him watch a movie instead of sedating him. This was amazing, and hilarious, news. Amazing that there's a chance he can do this without the drugs. And hilarious because what does that say about TV? Yep, we're still laughing.<br />
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So Brian, being the resourceful man he is, decided it would be a good idea to have Sebastian "practice" for the MRI. He had him lay on cushions on the floor and watch the TV upside down, but this didn't seem quite enough, or good on his neck. Even in that awkward position, he made it about 30 minutes without moving. But Brian worked on a better design, and came up with this:<br />
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He's made it the 45 minutes, but I did see him wiggle a couple times. Hopefully that will be acceptable as tomorrow is almost here. If you have any positive vibes, healing energy, prayers, magic crystals, or whatever happy thoughts you have to send our way, we could use it and are, as always, grateful for your support.<br />
<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-50359385009104848422017-12-06T11:00:00.000-08:002018-08-14T21:39:00.932-07:00It's December?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="918" data-original-width="932" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEeCVjdPn2qS3lFV7yrn-vO_CoWUrW0cA2l8feKQIXJtC1qiZ9W_ZoecGf6saX7rsS_144iH5FYQyw8B4_lPo_Y9O5NrZGDZsfTkogAwUl2FHdGCqm4XYxEdBNbWYbCSz0_F8Llo7TbnE/s320/Insecure+Writers+Support+Group+Badge.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
And just like that....it's December. And the first Wednesday of the month, which means IWSG time! If you're interested in joining the fun or want to know more, visit their <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html">website</a>.<br />
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Today's question:<br />
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As you look back on 2017, with all its successes/failures, if you could backtrack, what would you do differently?</blockquote>
Well this question is kind of perfect for what I wanted to write about anyways. If you read <a href="http://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2017/11/nanowrimo.html" target="_blank">last month's post</a> or follow me on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/melsemptyjournal/" target="_blank">Instagram </a>or <a href="https://www.facebook.com/melsemptyjournal/" target="_blank">FB</a>, you likely know that I participated (and completed woop!) in NaNoWriMo this year. I finished out the month with 51,597 words. Is it done? Helllll no. Just as I anticipated, it is a giant mess of a first draft. It's 99 pages of word vomit, no joke. It's definitely not what I want it to be yet, but there are glimmers of it in all that word vomit. It will be raw. It will be real. And it could make you cry, laugh, and likely say "ewwww" more than once. But undoubtedly your next question is the one I kept being asked by anyone I mentioned NaNo too....what am I writing about?<br />
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More than once that question caught me off-guard. Not because it's a weird question, duh it's totally obvious. But for some silly reason, I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to the fact that if I told people I was doing this, they'd want to know what I was writing about. Well, I am writing the story of my eating disorder, from its deceptive beginnings to its defeat. Despite my openness about it on this blog and social media, it's not something I actually talk with very many people about.<br />
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I didn't realize just how uncomfortable it was to talk about until I told a few people. Weird how it's so much easier for me to write about these things than to say them out loud. Not that it's easy to write about either, but it's a whole lot less easy to talk about it. Guess I'll have to add giving a speech about it to my I-do-NOT-want-to-do-this-so-I-guess-I-have-to-do-it-someday bucket list.<br />
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Writing this story has been painful, emotional, and insanely difficult. More than once I wanted to quit because "WHY am I putting myself through this?!" But then I'd remember a few important things. Like that I need to do it. For my fellow eating disordered peeps but also for myself. I can't really explain why, but for some reason it feels like closure for a long open wound. And if something is really hard, maybe that's a good reason to do it.<br />
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So as I look back at 2017, I see plenty of successes and failures of course. The recent NaNo experience being freshest in my mind, is a combination of both success and failure. I'm proud because I did it, I actually made myself write my first draft. Something I didn't anticipate actually doing this decade even. But it also feels like a step back because reliving this shitty experience over and over again so I can write it is like violently ripping open that still healing wound. But I know I'm better for it. If I could backtrack, I'd probably think twice about who I told I was participating in NaNo. Or at least mentally prepared myself for saying it out loud more than once. Watching people's looks of surprise, confusion, and sympathy was well...uncomfortable.<br />
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There were many other successes and failures this year. Figuring out my gut issues was a whole lot of failure for a long time, but looks like it's coming out as a success finally, yay! Vacationing in Belize, huge success. Continuing to kick ass at work. Always working hard to be a good mom and wife. Making big progress with my depression. Sure there's stuff that could've gone differently, but I prefer not to dwell on that hindsight bullshit. Obviously if you'd known how things would turn out, you'd do them different. But that defeats the purpose of life. We don't know how our lives are going to turn out. All we have is right now. So let's just enjoy right now.<br />
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In case I don't make time for another post this month, Happy Holidays my dear reader. You are awesome for being here and reading my ramblings. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.<br />
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Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-38509515682246467262017-11-01T19:21:00.001-07:002018-02-25T12:54:24.273-08:00NaNoWriMo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's the first Wednesday of the month, so that means time for more IWSG. Today's question is:</div>
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Win or not, do you usually finish your NaNo project? Have any of them gone on to be published?</blockquote>
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More than likely your first question is, what's a "NaNo" project? NaNo for NaNoWriMo....don't worry, I didn't know what that was until recently either. NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. Every year, hundreds of thousands of people participate in this writing challenge where they attempt to write 50,000 words during the month of November. The idea is to get a first draft going of whatever novel you want to write. <br />
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I have never participated in this challenge before. I have never tried to write a novel. So obviously the answers to today's questions are no and no. But this year, considering that burning desire I've been having to get my whole eating disorder story written, I've decided to join the fun. I signed up just yesterday and will start writing as soon as I finish posting this. <br />
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50,000 words in 30 days means I have to write over 1600 words a day. I'm not gonna lie, this sounds completely overwhelming and not really do-able at all, given the busyness of life right now. Do I think I can meet the goal? Yes. Do I think it will be a good first draft? Hell, no. It will be the shittiest of shitty first drafts ever, but if it gets me started, then it'll be worth. If it gets me writing more regularly, it will definitely be worth it. If I don't meet the challenge, oh well, the goal for me is really just to try. So as long as I put in an honest effort, I will feel like I succeeded. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.<br />
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So...on this note, you will probably not hear much from me this month. I will be holed up at the computer each night, undoubtedly with a giant glass of wine and my vape pen full of CBD oil, seeing how many words are really stored up inside me. If anything good comes out I might share an excerpt here and there to get some feedback. <br />
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I'm scared and excited. This is going to be really hard. But I'm betting it'll be totally worth it.Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-52029465823811509132017-10-18T13:37:00.001-07:002018-08-01T11:42:29.368-07:00#metoo<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAoYaubenyzHsYhuEwPyKWe7edGzqOY8GUpuzuCHZYp-LvXVf4D_qtwmMswh2LZT-EjgaKv97JeqHQlw1Qhd_mr9UpxuosRTtVQJOCrFNozjeVqtvWTtDkmoJKqLvIWPvJ9ZEnScX7n6I/s1600/mel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAoYaubenyzHsYhuEwPyKWe7edGzqOY8GUpuzuCHZYp-LvXVf4D_qtwmMswh2LZT-EjgaKv97JeqHQlw1Qhd_mr9UpxuosRTtVQJOCrFNozjeVqtvWTtDkmoJKqLvIWPvJ9ZEnScX7n6I/s320/mel.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aug 7th, 2015</td></tr>
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This week I'm at a nerd conference for work. While sitting through the boring introductions during a session, I made the mistake of checking Facebook real quick to fill my time. I saw the <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/17/us/me-too-tarana-burke-origin-trnd/index.html" target="_blank">#metoo</a> hashtag, and not knowing what it was about, I of course looked it up. After reading about this sexual harassment and abuse awareness, I went back to the Facebook search of that hashtag, which shows you first all your friends that have posted about this. As I scrolled for what seemed like forever, my eyes started to fill with tears. Now I'm not much of a crier really, especially not in front of anyone but a few select people, so I swallowed that lump and quickly put away my phone. That was not the time to think too much about that.<br />
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It moved me beyond words. It's not that sexual violence is news to me, it's the sheer number of women (and I'm sure men, but I only saw women in my feed) that have been hurt by this that hit me hardest. Since the movement is about both harassment and rape, I at first thought I shouldn't share any of my own experiences, because lucky for me I've never been raped. And really harassment doesn't seem like a big deal next to rape in my mind. But then I thought, that's not right either. Even if most of the people posting about this have only been harassed and not raped, that's still too many. It's still uncalled for and still needs to change. And the thought process behind rape is probably similar to harassment...the idea that the person deserves to be treated like they have no say in the matter. That it's okay to use your power to manipulate those under you. That it's okay to victimize someone. It's not. So here we go.<br />
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I remember being sexually harassed before I even knew what sex was. Some dirty pervert grabbed my ass in a grocery store one time when I was just a little kid. I had no idea why or what that was about, but I of course got scared and quickly ran back to my mom. I don't remember telling her what happened, but I do remember the fear and shame that immediately followed. Now as a parent my reaction to the memory is seriously appalled. Who does that shit?! If someone touched my kids that way I'd freak out! And I'm sure my mother would've done something as well if I'd told her.<br />
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As I'm now sure is a typical scenario for most young girls, I was harassed plenty growing up. Whether it was catcalls, whistling, inappropriate remarks, suggestions, or groping, there were too many times over the years to recall each one. I just know there were way more than should've been allowed, let alone normal. There were even a couple incidents in my teenage years that got dangerously close to date rape, but thankfully I was able to stop it before that happened. But I know way too many women that weren't that lucky.<br />
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I get that teenage boys are horny. But guess what? So are teenage girls. I know, I used to be one. So that is no excuse. But for whatever reason, not nearly as many guys get harassed by girls as the other way around. So why is this so one-sided? Why has no one taught guys that this is completely unacceptable behavior? Instead it was often written off with, well boys will be boys. Bull fucking shit. If my boys behaved like that I'd be outraged. I can't even think of what the appropriate punishment would be, but there's no way they'd get away with "it's just a guy thing." I think I've already done a pretty good job of teaching them boundaries, and will continue to do so throughout their life. I just don't understand why everyone isn't doing the same thing. But now that I think on it, teaching your kid boundaries is a whole other blog post for another day.<br />
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Or how about those excuses that "she was asking for it" by the way she dressed or behaved? This argument is old but still enrages me just as much as the first time I heard it. If a woman chooses to show off her body in public, that in no way means she's asking to get harassed. Maybe she is looking for attention, but I guarantee she doesn't want people to be rude or violent. Maybe she wants a compliment, like hey, you look good! etc. but not hey, nice tits! with an ass grab. NO! For goodness sakes can't anyone give a compliment without crossing that line? Yes you can. I know as soon as my boys start showing an interest in dating, I will be teaching them appropriate ways to pay a compliment without crossing any lines.<br />
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The even bigger problem with not teaching your kids boundaries and appropriate behavior, is they often grow up to continue that terrible behavior. And if you do this as an adult, the punishment if you get caught sexually harassing anyone, is much bigger...or at least we all hope it is! Realistically that depends on the situation as we all know too many people still get away with this bullshit, even in the workplace.<br />
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I'm lucky enough to work at a small company, thankfully full of respectful guys where I not only never have to deal with any harassment, but not even any disrespect. At previous jobs I did encounter plenty of sexism though, which often felt like borderline harassment. There's still more men in my field than women, although thankfully that's changing and I'm hoping within my lifetime I'll see it even out a bit more. But when I started, I was not only a minority, but was even called "an anomaly". I got a lot of weird looks, suspicion that I couldn't possibly know what I was talking about, being a girl, and very young. But as people gave me a chance, or in some cases had no choice but to give me a chance, they realized that I was not only smart, but was often more friendly than my coworkers. I had to go out of my way to be very nice and keep my mouth shut about those rude remarks to get some people to take me seriously. And while that was a frustrating experience, I know every woman who's been a minority in her field has had to face the same crap.<br />
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My goal is to do what I can to help ease the way for women in my field. And that's always meant I had to learn to deal with sexism and harassment. Speaking out when things are over the line is important, which I would not hesitate to do now if I encountered any harassment. But when I was starting out in my career, I was too afraid to speak up as I didn't want to fill anyone's stereotypical ideas of a woman in a man's field who cries harassment. That's really sad, and I wish I hadn't felt that way. I like to think if anything really over the line had happened, I would've said something. Thankfully it never did, so I don't know how I would've dealt with it for sure. But I do know I felt uncomfortable plenty of times and just kept my mouth shut. And it shouldn't have to be that way.<br />
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Ladies, and gentlemen, we should never feel like we have to keep quiet when we're harassed. You can't be comfortable in your job or life if you have to deal with harassment on a regular basis. It's better to say something. Yes if the person harassing you is an asshole, they might very well make it difficult for you. But so what? It's difficult being harassed too, so you might as well stand up for yourself and face the difficulties of that situation over staying quiet and feeling shamed. You owe it to yourself and to every other woman (or man) that's going to follow you. The more work we do on this now, the less our children and their children will have to put up with it. Think of how far the civil rights movement has come in the last 100 years! And think of how much farther it could go. But it takes everyone involved to stand up for themselves, and those around them.<br />
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Don't be afraid. Don't be ashamed. Don't be quiet. Help this end. Be heard.Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-50085996295446345172017-10-11T18:16:00.000-07:002018-02-25T12:58:14.531-08:00Dare to Rise Strong<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BUkYm-9D8H9/?taken-by=brenebrown" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgafkT04GhM9io9OGW1ep_20Xaeus0qUFRTLT8WD_y1UGzChZaoCBkfmBb7H2Ph3aZVrh1vd0MHb2k56ahJqptWXekKirXl37fpAj-9z0xvsvFbQNvpv-mQu7Gp-_I6NlTy5cLLe8bZSCA/s320/BrokenHearted.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo credit: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BUkYm-9D8H9/?taken-by=brenebrown" target="_blank">Brené Brown</a></td></tr>
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I recently read the book "Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution." by Brené Brown. I'd heard a couple of the author's Ted Talks before, but hadn't read any of her books yet. Then the chronic illness Facebook group I'm in decided to start a book club, and this was the first book they recommended. What an awesome book! I am so glad I decided to join in on the reading fun. Today's post isn't a typical book review, because I'm not a book critic. Instead it's about what I got out of the book, which was quite a bit.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage."</blockquote>
For starters, this book is about why we should allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The reason being because it's the only way to live a full and authentic life. It's difficult for most of us, if not all of us, to do this. Being vulnerable means we will inevitably get hurt. Our instincts kick in and we immediately resort to fight or flight to protect ourselves. Especially if we were never taught how to correctly identify and deal with our emotions, specifically shame, we'll end up guarding ourselves over all sorts of things, even seemingly insignificant ones. Instead we need to realize that all this pain and discomfort is worth it so that we can truly live and love to our fullest extent.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFwWvYnS7HaekWBJg-oEp92ksnnQqctWcedU7MsZnCfzf1uGf2gpj7qBIpgujJdSmU52pbmnVNLzVSBXdIgn6t7Mf4jcGkfIkqO8shs_RLIgHQ64Zhjrg78ZsrbQg-vVqJmJjnFK6xqUo/s1600/100_0459.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFwWvYnS7HaekWBJg-oEp92ksnnQqctWcedU7MsZnCfzf1uGf2gpj7qBIpgujJdSmU52pbmnVNLzVSBXdIgn6t7Mf4jcGkfIkqO8shs_RLIgHQ64Zhjrg78ZsrbQg-vVqJmJjnFK6xqUo/s320/100_0459.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sebastian 10/03/2009</td></tr>
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The first thing that came to mind when trying to think of a photo that represents vulnerability, was pictures of me with my babies when they were first born. I can't think of anything that makes me as vulnerable as parenting. It's the scariest thing I've ever done in my life, by far. Not like cliff diving scary, but love scary. True, unconditional love. Allowing yourself to love anything that much means opening yourself to endless hurt. We hurt when our kid's hurt, and growing up means lots of hurts. If you're anything like me, then simply the thought of anything bad happening to your kids causes you immediate discomfort. But we know it's inevitable, they will get hurt. They will experience pain, illness, heart break, and loss. And as their parents, we'll be right there suffering alongside them. But we'll also be there to teach them it's okay to hurt, feel shame and discomfort, and how to get back up.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCOPLtNhViow6OiQ50aQOfhKcb8DAz4T7Lg7CQUs83X-sscaKOMEc6QsY4OlUY6uhsso5RhT5FX0yS-jny6YNl6PXkj8oXrVRjaR1gvmsIxpN2EwUmsrEaJG2535Zr1DrDaNl2sxsMEHg/s1600/IMG_4680.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1196" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCOPLtNhViow6OiQ50aQOfhKcb8DAz4T7Lg7CQUs83X-sscaKOMEc6QsY4OlUY6uhsso5RhT5FX0yS-jny6YNl6PXkj8oXrVRjaR1gvmsIxpN2EwUmsrEaJG2535Zr1DrDaNl2sxsMEHg/s320/IMG_4680.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oscar 12/22/2013</td></tr>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"We own our stories so we don't spend our lives being defined by them or denying them."</blockquote>
The next big vulnerable spot in my life is of course my history with an eating disorder. Which leads me into the next topic in this book that really spoke to me. That was the idea of owning our stories. This section really helped my brain make a connection it had long been searching for. The answer to why, <i>oh why</i>, do I have that urge to share my eating disorder story? It's painful to recall, even more so to write down and share with the world, but I do it anyway. I always thought it was because I wanted to help others like myself, and that is true. But it's more than that. It's that desire to do exactly what that quote says. To not be defined by it or to spend my life denying it. I tried denial and avoidance for a long time, preferring to pretend I didn't have a problem, even after I was far down the road to recovery. I liked to tell myself the worst was in the past so there was just no point in thinking about it, talking about, or sharing it. But that never worked. It wouldn't stay bottled up. I could feel it in there like a time bomb. Either share it or it will explode and take me down with it.<br />
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So instead I shared my story. First it was just writing occasionally in a journal that no one ever read. Then it was little bits about it on this blog. And now it's the goal to write it all out, which will likely fill a whole book. And to figure out how to get the story to the people that will be helped by it the most. Then I think I will finally feel like I did it, like I shed myself of that definition and denial.<br />
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The rest of the book was about how to get our asses back up after they've been kicked. That's "The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution." part. The Reckoning is recognizing your emotions and that something is triggering them. And then being curious about why and how that is happening. The Rumble is the struggle to figure it out, the challenge and the uncomfortable part. The Revolution is the result of coming out on top of that struggle. This process will always change who we are.<br />
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Of course this part also brought me back to my own story, and how it followed that same path. I didn't know that's what was happening, and it sure took a long time. But once that real revolution part happened, the urge to share my story became too strong to ignore. Because I realized I had survived something really hard and there was no reason for me to feel shame over it. Instead I should be proud.<br />
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I've never thought of myself as a strong or brave person. I have as many fears and phobias as the next person and I avoid most things that cause a strong adrenaline rush. Whenever my fight or flight kicks in, my response is always flight. Run away and fast! This is really uncomfortable and there's no reason to go through it so run! But when it came to my eating disorder, running meant death. I had to stay and fight. And the fact that I was able to come out on top after a serious ass kicking, is something I <b><i>am </i></b>proud of. It made me want to be braver in more of my life. Because while every moment of it was insanely uncomfortable, in every way, it was worth it for the transformation my life has gone through. From a broken shell of a human being to one full of love, for others and finally, for myself.<br />
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So if you're looking for a little inspiration, motivation, or help understanding some of your emotions and struggles, pick up <i>Rising Strong</i>, or probably any of <a href="http://brenebrown.com/" target="_blank">Brené Brown's</a> books as I'm sure they're all wonderful. It will force you to think about things you'd rather not, but it will be so worth it.Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-64584528637811822362017-09-20T22:08:00.001-07:002018-08-14T21:39:24.597-07:00I Want To Live!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For many years, I've had the urge to want to help others like myself. Others struggling through depression and eating disorders. I recently joined a couple of eating disorder support groups on facebook with this in mind. I quickly realized a few things. First, I was slightly overwhelmed by the sheer number of people who need help and this is just in these groups! It just breaks my heart that so many people on this planet struggle as I did, with something as vital as eating. Second, I have to limit how much time I spend on there because I can't help everyone and I won't be able to help anyone if I let it all drag me down. And lastly, I realized I was right. I do have the ability to help now. I am far enough in my recovery that I can be supportive. I can read people's posts and while I can remember back to a time I completely related, I no longer have that urge to be that person anymore. For someone who was told by my first therapist that I would never completely recover, it's really amazing to realize how wrong that was.<br />
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Today's post is mostly for the people in these groups, and anyone else who stumbles upon my blog that has an eating disorder. Today I am here to give you hope. The hope that you can recover. The truth that it is possible. I'm living proof of that. It's not just something the people in your life tell you to try to make you feel better. Recovery is real. I won't lie to you, it's not easy. No part of it is, it's always hard. But the farther on the path of recovery you go, the easier it gets. Some days are harder than others of course, and I still have days where I have to wrestle with my thoughts. But it's not like it was 15 years ago, or even 5 years ago. I have way more good days than bad. Even with more stress in my life now with work, family, kids, health problems, etc. you name it. Life has not gotten any easier but I have learned healthy coping mechanisms instead of destructive ones.<br />
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It all comes down to a choice. My father gave me the advice long ago when I was in the worst of it. I didn't listen then of course, but later on I realized it was actually great advice. He said, "you're complicating things. Keep it simple. Do you want to live or do you want to die? You want to live. Do you want to be happy or miserable? You want to be happy." After that is where we part ways on opinions, because as someone who has struggled with depression on and off for most of my life, I know that it's not as simple as "<a href="http://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2017/03/just-be-happy.html" target="_blank">just be happy</a>". Yes you have a choice. But when you're depressed, it's very difficult to choose happiness. Often you feel like you don't know how. And I think eating disorders are always the result of severe depression, so the two go hand in hand, often feeding off each other and making the cycle worse and worse. But you still have a choice. The choice to try. The choice to not give in to every evil your eating disorder whispers to you, but to instead tell it to fuck off. The choice to find the beauty in your life instead of only the pain. The choice to turn your determination to hurt yourself into determination to love yourself.<br />
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My current (and wonderful 😊) therapist has a great question you can ask yourself while you're thinking on this. "Do you want to do this for the rest of your life?" This type of self-examination can really help put things into perspective. When we're trapped in the depths of an eating disorder or depression, we get wrapped up in only our current pain without even realizing it. But if we can step outside of that and see beyond what we're experiencing right now, we can help ourselves. Try to picture yourself 5, 10, 20 years down the road. I don't know about you, but I always like to picture my future self as happy and past whatever my current problems are, not still struggling with the same bullshit.<br />
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Failure, imperfection, "I can't do it", none of these things have a place in recovery. Fuck all of that. Perfection is an illusion, move past that myth. Control is bullshit. You can't control all the shit that happens in your life. You never will. That's the hard truth about life. Learning to to let go of the idea that we can control everything is a huge step to recovery. Controlling your eating will not fix anything in your life. It won't fix your problems with your family. It won't fix your relationships. It won't help you achieve your goals. Eating disorders are not the answer. They are a terrifying obstacle, but you will be so much stronger once you come out on top.<br />
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Here's something that really helped me get started. I set a few real life goals for myself. It's good to write them down somewhere you'll see them often. Get your degree, get that job you want, travel, skydive, have a family, whatever it is. And add "happiness" to that list. If you really think about what you want in life, combined with wanting happiness, you'll know I'm right. The eating disorder is holding you back, it will not get you what you want. Don't let it stand in your way. Don't let it destroy you. I know you feel weak, but you're not. I know deep down there is strength in there. We all have it, we just have to find it and use it to rise out of the hell we've created for ourselves.<br />
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If you choose life and happiness, then you can recover. If you work hard and stay determined to recover, you will. I think the hardest part is that first step, that choice, that hard decision. That moment, or moments, where you decide, I WANT TO LIVE! I don't want to die. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom first to find it, and sometimes you don't. Everyone's bottom is different. Some suffer most of their lives, others only for a few years, before they find their bottom, their place where they realize what they're doing to themselves. Where the reality hits you hard that if you keep doing what you're doing, you will die. But whether you get close enough to stare death in the face, or just catch a glimpse of it, you'll see your choice, clear as day. Life or death? Will you succumb or will you fight back?<br />
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Choose to fight. Choose life. You CAN do it. You CAN recover. Don't let eating disorders claim another beautiful life. You deserve to live.<br />
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<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-37677661844596929372017-09-06T20:06:00.000-07:002018-08-14T21:37:04.946-07:00Insecure Writer's Support Group<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Just a couple hours ago, I read a friend's blog post that was for "The Insecure Writer's Support Group." It's a blog link-up (or blog hop) for writers to share their insecurities about writing. As soon as I saw it, I thought, oh my gosh I need to be apart of this! So today I am doing my first post.<br />
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The first Wednesday of every month, everyone on the link-up tries to post about their insecurities. There's a new question each time to get you started. Today's question is:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Have you ever surprised yourself with your writing? For example, by trying a new genre you didn't think you'd be comfortable in??</b></blockquote>
Well I have to say, yes I have definitely surprised myself. And every time I have, it was by doing exactly what the second question implies, by trying something out of my comfort zone.<br />
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The first surprise that comes to mind is poetry. From my teen years through college, I used to write poetry regularly. It was part of my eating disorder recovery, so much of what I wrote was about that. Most of it stayed tucked away in a journal, but occasionally I wrote a poem for a class and shared it. I surprised myself the most with one I wrote for a creative writing class I took for fun in college. It was definitely the best I'd ever written. In that class, we would put our writing up on the projector and let every one take turns helping criticize it. It was a tough class that definitely took me way out of my writing comfort zone. I'd never had a group of people pick apart my writing before, but I learned a ton. Poetry was the last assignment of the class, and mine turned out well enough that no one in the class, not even the teacher, had any changes to make. I was amazed and proud of myself. The saddest thing about it though, is that I lost the damn poem! I've searched through all my files many times over the years and never been able to find it. I just don't get how I didn't save a copy of that! Maybe because I never found it, and never thought I could recreate it or top it, or just my general insecurities, but I quit writing poetry regularly. I help Brian with song lyrics on occasion, but that's as close as I get. Guess I'll have to move past this insecurity and give poetry a fair chance again.<br />
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The other surprise is this blog. I never thought I'd share my writing with anyone regularly, so the fact that I've continued to do so for over 5 years has surprised me. I think one of my favorite surprises was a post I wrote a couple years ago called <a href="http://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2015/11/enough.html" target="_blank">Enough</a>. That was when I first started to allow myself to be vulnerable here on my blog. It spawned quite a few more posts since then where I reveal many more of my issues, flaws, and general insecurities with life. If it wasn't for that post and the giant step behind it of breaking out of my comfort zone, I probably would have quit blogging completely.<br />
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I'm currently reading a book called "Rising Strong". It's about owning your vulnerabilities and picking yourself up after a fall. I'm not even halfway in and already I'm hooked. It's exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it. And the fact that I came across a writing group about insecurity while reading this book was just too perfect. I'll write more about the book once I finish it, but for now I'll leave you with my favorite quote so far:<br />
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"When we own our stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in stories someone else is telling." - Brené Brown in <i>Rising Strong</i></blockquote>
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So dear reader, don't be afraid to pick up your pen or keyboard, and surprise yourself.Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-8021157758429928582017-08-30T19:19:00.001-07:002018-08-16T20:17:07.752-07:00How to Exercise with a Chronic Illness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnGThl_8m2avGa4Eq8Xvy7zu5Vp559_p3YNubsOw6wVaZgpvStmgWj0PokxWRrdXeKuY_8uFJdf1zEImRI32lGBaJx6cobBfudAxbz3y7XZMtfKH9bjunWxya84ru_Bw47zHZlEzKF4gw/s1600/boysracing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1138" data-original-width="1600" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnGThl_8m2avGa4Eq8Xvy7zu5Vp559_p3YNubsOw6wVaZgpvStmgWj0PokxWRrdXeKuY_8uFJdf1zEImRI32lGBaJx6cobBfudAxbz3y7XZMtfKH9bjunWxya84ru_Bw47zHZlEzKF4gw/s320/boysracing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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As I stumble along the path towards recovery, I'm reminded of a very simple, but powerful fact. I am not alone. There are likely millions of people out there also suffering from chronic illnesses that follow a similar pattern to my own. That pattern being, I'm feeling great one minute, and the next I’m sick again. Now I have to suffer for awhile and slowly creep my way back out of illness and into recovery.<br />
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This is a pattern I've struggled through most of my life. As a child, I was diagnosed with asthma, and I managed to catch every bug that went around school (and still do catch everything my kids bring home). Then as a teenager and young adult, it was depression and anorexia that plagued me and dragged me down into the depths of hell on a regular basis. Then as an adult, there was the illness that was both my pregnancies, several injuries including a car accident, and now, the fun of SIBO. Basically one thing after another. But don't feel sorry for me, it's just life. The good thing from a life of chronic illness is, I'm very good at getting back into shape. Because of this, I figure I could offer up some tips on how to get this shit done. Keep in mind, I am no doctor, physical therapist, or anything of the like. This is simply a lifetime of illness talking.
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYNpDhsdwHS6fLe1NPOqOD3j0BZaRVcgi8lcrRBvm6dHVUD1JazJXGSbAFerhh2PgKfxW1YblgKeWpIDKuu77R39mJ4jr2JgD5OWKy44wlTSWl7BUg91uRO6KMKrg5N6HpFHd2sMZFWwc/s1600/IMG_0693.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1196" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYNpDhsdwHS6fLe1NPOqOD3j0BZaRVcgi8lcrRBvm6dHVUD1JazJXGSbAFerhh2PgKfxW1YblgKeWpIDKuu77R39mJ4jr2JgD5OWKy44wlTSWl7BUg91uRO6KMKrg5N6HpFHd2sMZFWwc/s320/IMG_0693.JPG" width="236" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Yoga w/ Sebastian, April 2011</td></tr>
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Making your health a priority is really the only solution. That means getting enough sleep, reducing your stress level, eating healthy, and exercising. Easier said than done, I know! But today let's just talk about exercise. Specifically for those of us suffering from chronic or frequent illness, because let's face it, it's a little different for us than it is for the healthy athlete who rarely gets sick. They can go run a marathon or push themselves to the max at the gym and not feel the repercussions those of us less fortunate in our health do. For us, exercise needs to be well thought out. If we push too hard, it can often result in an injury or making us sicker. If we don't push at all, we'll be stuck in the rut of no or too little exercise, which isn't good either.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHwBvqobTl5AmxsxsYrUrqDzrolHHdZ43RoPBI20uJobw9em8idG0SRJI-HhuViJAdyqw8FHQ3cdGT1W-yQl0Fbik1iJltgdVe7rSnRwB_sa4WrPsoeQIrpNymF_9-4Ssow7nZ_RthIn8/s1600/OscarMeYoga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1390" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHwBvqobTl5AmxsxsYrUrqDzrolHHdZ43RoPBI20uJobw9em8idG0SRJI-HhuViJAdyqw8FHQ3cdGT1W-yQl0Fbik1iJltgdVe7rSnRwB_sa4WrPsoeQIrpNymF_9-4Ssow7nZ_RthIn8/s320/OscarMeYoga.jpg" width="277" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Yoga w/ Oscar, May 2016</td></tr>
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The first hurdle is that oh-so-fine line between figuring out when you need to rest and when you need to get off your ass and start doing something. It's easy to make the wrong choice. If you sit on the couch for one too many days, it's that much harder to get moving again. On the other hand, pushing too hard before you're well often means a longer setback. What I've found works best is to never allow myself to not move at all for too long. Even if that just means getting up and pacing around the house and walking up and down the stairs a few times when you're sick. And as soon as you're up for it, go for an easy walk or do some very gentle yoga or stretching. It doesn't need to be intense, it just needs to be movement. Our bodies were not meant to be stationary.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRMLmIo6OFtw6Xj_HLwuufPoMxiDOD1XlKyqHU-XfH-LTEVOPxf_2ufM5aOjIzC1RZbT4Sqd54h0LF-Hm0Ahy_dWjUGVAMBeVORSr6yU_JrN91wkFPXscdVmFgzeLdw0Apbvqs1bDWm0Y/s1600/boysyoga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1265" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRMLmIo6OFtw6Xj_HLwuufPoMxiDOD1XlKyqHU-XfH-LTEVOPxf_2ufM5aOjIzC1RZbT4Sqd54h0LF-Hm0Ahy_dWjUGVAMBeVORSr6yU_JrN91wkFPXscdVmFgzeLdw0Apbvqs1bDWm0Y/s320/boysyoga.jpg" width="252" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kid yoga</td></tr>
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The next hurdle is listening to your body. Pain is your body’s warning system, the “hey you're doing this wrong or pushing too hard” signal. The old adage of "no pain no gain" is simply not true, or not entirely. I would say a little discomfort is normal, even good because it means you're working muscles that haven't been used enough. But true pain is not good. You have to honor your limits. It's the only way to avoid injury. I injured my right knee when I was about 11. It's given me hell on and off ever since. Now with a weakened immune system, it doesn't take much to make it hurt. To keep from re-injuring it, I've had to learn to actually stop when it hurts. To NOT push through the pain.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIJced38IWTVQvHHFZLJqj3VwuNCvrKRtc0oeLvwKnJrZ6ydaiIlSd32glC62eLfQEPjHOci6L_2MJ5OmnV_1kbIh_yHDGUaEDywADwpwE-9ty1YRy3MFiDD9mDBAy2QKrMsoKJh9Wfuo/s1600/SebastianMe5k.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1421" data-original-width="1600" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIJced38IWTVQvHHFZLJqj3VwuNCvrKRtc0oeLvwKnJrZ6ydaiIlSd32glC62eLfQEPjHOci6L_2MJ5OmnV_1kbIh_yHDGUaEDywADwpwE-9ty1YRy3MFiDD9mDBAy2QKrMsoKJh9Wfuo/s320/SebastianMe5k.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Sebastian & me, 4/21/2012, after my first 5k</td></tr>
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And finally, the big hurdle: getting off your butt and moving. Once you're feeling back to health, it's important to increase your exercise VERY gradually. I have a bad habit of pushing too hard too soon and it never ends well. But if you can do it gradually enough, you can get back in shape without pain, injury, or more illness.<br />
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Let's talk examples. Say I’m just on the mend from being ill. The first couple of weeks, I start very gentle. How gentle depends on how sick I was and for how long. But for the average illness that lasts at least a week, like the one I'm in the midst of now (damn forest fires kicking my asthmatic ass), I'd say it looks something like this:<br />
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table#exercise {
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width: 575px;
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#exercise th, #exercise td {
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<table id="exercise">
<tbody>
<tr>
<th></th>
<th>Walk</th>
<th>Yoga</th>
<th>Run/Bike</th>
<th>Rest</th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><b>Week 1</b></td>
<td>1 mile, 2-3x/ week</td>
<td>15-20 min., 2-3x/ week</td>
<td></td>
<td>2x/week</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><b>Week 2</b></td>
<td>1 mile, 3x/ week</td>
<td>15-20 min., 5x/ week</td>
<td></td>
<td>1-2x/week</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><b>Week 3</b></td>
<td>1 mile, 2-3x/ week</td>
<td>30 min., 5x/ week</td>
<td>1-2x/week</td>
<td>1x/week</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
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Then by week 4 I'm back to normal, except at a relatively low intensity. If I make it past a month without getting sick again, then I start increasing distance and intensity. I know not everyone likes yoga, and that is totally fine. If it's not for you, find something else that's equally stress relieving and can be done in a relatively low intensity matter. If all you do is high intensity exercise, you will have a much more painful experience of getting back into shape. I used to be that person so I get it. But at some point you just get sick to death of injuring yourself and realize, hey, if I don't listen to my body, this isn't going to change. After all, doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is indeed the definition of insanity. So be sane, be nice to yourself, and your body will be nice to you in return.
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhza9lK1mT3KPRDMKOq6bc7Bhyphenhyphen2uyRr_GUePR1ZJkf5h4uP3Ri2aOs3CFtwKAGAxEyWac-UKuKmCNmtCfuqlJoCGfs8JG5pLLLYNgWXljmmr-2w4P5_PRyc1mUMbFQ0f5BtN7sy8Rv6Z4c/s1600/MeSebastianRun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1037" data-original-width="1133" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhza9lK1mT3KPRDMKOq6bc7Bhyphenhyphen2uyRr_GUePR1ZJkf5h4uP3Ri2aOs3CFtwKAGAxEyWac-UKuKmCNmtCfuqlJoCGfs8JG5pLLLYNgWXljmmr-2w4P5_PRyc1mUMbFQ0f5BtN7sy8Rv6Z4c/s320/MeSebastianRun.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sebastian & me, 3/5/2013, after my first 10k</td></tr>
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Depending on your specific health issues, you might be thinking it's not even worth exercising because you never make any progress. I feel your frustration as I have the same one. Progress the last, over 2 years now, has been at a snail’s pace. But I've been in really good shape enough times to want to feel that good again. Everything in my body functioned better, so I know if I can get there again, it will help my recovery. And exercising even a little is still better than none. I bounce back from each relapse much quicker than when I'm doing nothing. So basically, I refuse to give up. And I wish the same determination for you too! 😁Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8301022531197433362.post-90207066190183758002017-08-17T19:50:00.001-07:002018-08-14T21:37:16.953-07:00Achieving Greatness as Parents<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiB5SKDbgE3pVwK9zFaG8YcmpSlFwm2P4zth7DVZFJcSiv600XDJFSW2F91qqZjT49yxsn143E-PY-4QQzIqmIl6nfoWUIbZDYUZcYrc34Yh00QgjOD0lEGnA64o6g9VMChQNFCwavcxw/s1600/me%2526boys.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1128" data-original-width="1600" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiB5SKDbgE3pVwK9zFaG8YcmpSlFwm2P4zth7DVZFJcSiv600XDJFSW2F91qqZjT49yxsn143E-PY-4QQzIqmIl6nfoWUIbZDYUZcYrc34Yh00QgjOD0lEGnA64o6g9VMChQNFCwavcxw/s400/me%2526boys.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Do you ever have the feeling that you were meant to do something great? Something big and important with your life? Like maybe you're not currently living up to your potential? But when you really think about it, you're not quite sure what that great thing is you should be doing? Or maybe you know what you want to do, but have no clue how to make time for it in your life right now?<br />
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Today I'm here to tell you... stop worrying about it. I don't mean to be uninspiring, quite the opposite really. I just want to help your stress level, the same way I'm trying to help my own. You see, I feel these things often. Like maybe I should be figuring out how to use my brain towards a better cause then just making websites. But you know what? I have no idea what that cause should be or how exactly to use my skillset for this undecided thing. I have some vague goals... for someday. But right now it's not something I'm actively worrying about. You know why? Two things: money and time.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHOdfn8HnfzgznVZyV-uZ6UY1-Wk-zKtWOuWNDdqeEjpM6r2eNIscv7J5jiac9WvX4w-o1oUNSYWawYHcGSmzT7zdyiF4Xo-bC7cFXTDWkeb-l7ZfmSQN1ctDJiK2U9j9y1sTd7LEpzYQ/s1600/100_2203.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHOdfn8HnfzgznVZyV-uZ6UY1-Wk-zKtWOuWNDdqeEjpM6r2eNIscv7J5jiac9WvX4w-o1oUNSYWawYHcGSmzT7zdyiF4Xo-bC7cFXTDWkeb-l7ZfmSQN1ctDJiK2U9j9y1sTd7LEpzYQ/s320/100_2203.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Yep that might surprise you, coming from a hippy and all. I really hate money, and many things about capitalism, but that doesn't change the reality of our world. We need money to survive in it. We need even more money if we want to thrive. And as much as I dislike money, I hate worrying about it even more. It's much easier to have enough you don't have to stress about every penny. And let's face it, most world-saving causes don't pay very well, and many require a lot more than a normal 40 hour work week.<br />
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So I'm lowering my expectations of myself right now, and you know, I'm good with that. One because I truly like my current job, even though I may not be helping save the world. I still really enjoy working for a small company. And two, because I'm able to take care of, and spend quality time with, my family. That last one is more important to me right now than saving the world.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR_hUyJX36pKYq7s7f8uCLWAPFaNOIC1_tjR7W5G35uJ6u_s5eP-8RTLZJ37fg_kqSx51EfeL0B3ze_pkPja1AyiYva6ugJjkuDdvLAWV7hBlQn9XOypXgpU3PSEiq6sTozHs5oLM2JrU/s1600/IMG_2094-3062378473-O.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR_hUyJX36pKYq7s7f8uCLWAPFaNOIC1_tjR7W5G35uJ6u_s5eP-8RTLZJ37fg_kqSx51EfeL0B3ze_pkPja1AyiYva6ugJjkuDdvLAWV7hBlQn9XOypXgpU3PSEiq6sTozHs5oLM2JrU/s320/IMG_2094-3062378473-O.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Seriously?! Yep, I know how selfish that might sound to some. Depending on your situation you may completely get where I'm coming from or think I'm a terrible person. But I am unwilling to sacrifice the security I currently have. I didn't have kids so I could neglect them, for any cause, I don't care how important it is. Right now, my main focus is making sure they're well taken care of. I would argue that should be every parent's main focus. Because, no matter how important your work is, raising children to be good people is just as, if not more important. You really want the world to be full of the "entitled millenials" we all keep hearing about? No thank you. We need the next generation to actually give a shit about the important things in life. And that won't happen if we're all neglecting our children, even if it is for a good cause. No, the world needs us to make more smart and caring people, not neglected and damaged kids or spoiled and entitled brats.<br />
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Don't underestimate the importance of being a good parent. Even if you yourself aren't damaged from your own parents, I'd be surprised if you didn't know a few people who are. We're all going to make mistakes as parents, but the overall job we do, consistency and love shown towards our children, will go a long way to them being decent human beings. I think we often downplay our importance as parents, feeling like friends, peers, teachers, coaches, etc. have more of a say, at least once our kids reach school age. But when I think back to my own childhood, that's simply not true. While all the people in my life definitely had a part in shaping who I am, my parents definitely had the biggest influence of all.<br />
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A lot of this comes back to <a href="http://melsemptyjournal.blogspot.com/2017/02/focus.html" target="_blank">mindfulness</a> as well. When we try to stretch our focus in too many directions, we lose the ability to do a good job at everything, or anything for that matter. I get overwhelmed when I try to add too many things to my plate. And when that happens, the first to suffer are those closest to me. I can't be a good parent if I'm too busy worrying about everything else I think I should be doing. I have to concentrate on what's in front of me right now. And right now, that's my family. I have my whole life to worry about the rest, my kids need me right now.<br />
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So to all my readers that are parents, struggling with that all too familiar feeling of not enoughness, take a deep breath. Relax. Assuming most of us live to be nice and old, there's always time to achieve our other goals once we're through the first couple decades of raising kids. And remember how much you are already doing. You have the potential for greatness inside you, or for many of you, you already are great. You're just using your greatness to raise children that will give enough of a shit to help turn this world around. That is your real opportunity to save the world, one you have time for right now. Because you're already doing it, you just didn't realize you were.<br />
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<br />Melanie Rickmannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14209749176540186368noreply@blogger.com0