This post has sat in a draft state for over 3 months. I wanted to make sure I was really ready before I put this out in the universe. Here i...
The Smiles Make It All Worth It
If you asked Brian and I if we were going to have another kid in the first 18 months of Sebastian's life, you received our resounding "no" or on a good day maybe a "probably not" response. The fact is we spent a majority of that time sick so the thought of another child was not a welcome one. Full-time daycare was definitely not the right move for us. The reality is no amount of breastfeeding will pass your kid good immunities if the mom has a crappy immune system. But we survived it and Sebastian is very healthy these days.
In fact, the last year has been quite amazing. Watching him grow from a baby to a little boy is the best thing I've ever experienced. There were plenty of days of "oh my god, I can't do this. I'm gonna lose it." But there were many more days of "he is the cutest thing on the planet". He has become quite the little social butterfly. Watching him make friends with every person he meets is truly awe inspiring. He revels in being with other people. He says hi to most everyone he passes in the store or on the street, and will try and strike up a conversation with anyone who catches his interest. He loves children and would make an excellent older brother.
But the thought of another child still fills me with fear and doubt in the way only a tiny, helpless being can. I mean come on, it's double everything right? Double the fits, the noise, the toys, clothes, dishes, laundry, food, money, money, money, oh man really it costs HOW much for preschool? Seriously, he's not even 3, I shouldn't have to worry about "tuition" already! It's that much more time I won't have for myself. It's that much more potential sagging skin, stretch marks, and scars on my body. It's that much less sleep.
But the fact is I know it's worth it. It's worth the sleepless nights and endless diapers and vomit and breast pumps and crying, crying, crying, and oh-my-dear-lord-what's-wrong-with-this-kid-what-did-I-do?! panic attacks. It's worth the temper tantrums, potty training, and illnesses. It's worth being pregnant again, which was no easy feat for me. The risk of having another c-section is even worth it, although I will do everything in my power to avoid that horrible mess again. It's worth the stress and disappointment of trying to even get pregnant again.
It's worth all of that. Why? Because being a parent has taught me about love in a way I never would have understood. Because it's hard and I want my life to be full and challenging! Because when I'm 80 years old what am I gonna remember? My family. All the time spent with the people I love. Not all the hours I got to myself because I didn't have another kid. I'm not gonna regret missing out on myself. But I might regret not trying to bring another beautiful and amazing person into this world. And let's face it, the world needs more Sebastians.
About author: Melanie
Mother, wife, web developer, writer. I blog about my life as an anorexia survivor, depression battler, being a mother to 2 boys, 1 with NF1, living healthy, and much more!