When I was pregnant, I often had anxiety over the idea of being a mother, because I felt that I wasn't a very "maternal" woman...
The other thing I still struggle with is how much time to spend with him. Other moms I know seem to always be go, go, go for their kids and never take a moment to do what they want. They sacrifice exercise, diet, friends, marriage/relationships, etc. in order to do everything and spend every moment with their child. I don't know how they do it. If I don't take time for myself I feel my sanity slowly slipping away. There are a few things I've learned over the years that I cannot live without. The biggest ones being exercise and eating healthy. These are both quite time consuming things, but they are not entirely selfish. At a young age, children want to imitate their parents, so I figure the best way to teach Sebastian a healthy lifestyle is to live it. Same goes with my relationship with Brian. A child learns a lot about relationship from witnessing his/her parents. I figure if we want even the slightest chance at not screwing up our kid forever, then staying happily together is probably the best thing we can do for him. That means spending quality time together alone and plenty of money on dates and vacations. But time and money well spent in my opinion.
There are obviously a plethora of things that I wish I could do better or more of, or more and better. Life often leaves us feeling inadequate, and that's multiplied when you're a parent because you have another life depending on you. But if you look at it that way then you will forever be depressed thinking you didn't do enough. I'd rather be happy, so I'll continue to remind myself that I'm doing my best as a mother and someday Sebastian will appreciate all I did for him. And whenever I need a pick-me-up, all I have to do is watch Sebastian walk through a store or restaurant saying hi to everyone and smiling and laughing his goofy laugh, and see how everyone that gets a good look at his face breaks out into a smile of their own. That's proof right there that we're doing a damn good job with this child.
About author: Melanie
Mother, wife, web developer, writer. I blog about my life as an anorexia survivor, depression battler, being a mother to 2 boys, 1 with NF1, living healthy, and much more!